Going Mad
by A.Rococo.Mind
Summary: Four young teens in their last years of high school are learning a lot about themselves and maybe more then they wanted to know about love. Going Mad is a story about how love can turn your world upside down and inside out. Stan/Kyle & Kenny/Wendy
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Cornor:**

Okay so this is my very first fanfic and submission. I am not new to reading stories on this sire but i am new to actually having an account. I will admit this is not my first attempt at writing a story on my own but it is the first time i have ever tried writing a story and submitting it for people to enjoy and or destroy...I only ask you to please be constructive but yet gentle with your reviews and comment. This is a Stan and Kyle slash story but i will also be going into detail of Kenny and Wendy's relationship, so there is fun for everyone. I have a feeling that this story will be kind of lengthy so there will be plenty of chapters and I hope to update often. Enjoy my first story and let me know what you think. :)

Didn't realize how short this was until I posted it but I promise the rest of the Chapters will be longer.

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Chapter one:

Kyle's POV

**Everyday Life**

Despite everything I've been through, I would never say that I was really a troubled person. I can admit I have a short fuse on certain things. I can snap into anger just as quickly as my mother can but I wouldn't say I have anger issues. I feel sad from time to time because I will over think situations, but anyone can do that; it doesn't mean I'm depressed. My mother worries over everything though and had decided that a high school student, like myself, needed a therapist; just so I would have someone to talk to about teenager drama that I could not go to her or dad about. So my mom set me up with a psychiatrist named Dr. Clair Bailey that had graduated from Yale. She was a good hour drive from South Park. My friends were seemed more upset about it then I was. I never really complained about it and I never talked to my shrink about anything rather than regular conversation. So I never saw it as a big deal. In all actuality it was a nice break from home. If I wasn't at my appointment I would be studying or doing chores.

So here I was at my usual appointment time, every Wednesday at 4:00pm, waiting for my doctor to come in and start the session. She did this a lot; she would make me wait in her room alone to gather my thoughts and figure out what I want to talk about that day. I sat in the patients chair staring at the same painting I always did. It was an odd abstract world of the earth and space colliding into each other. This same painting has hung there ever since I first starting coming to see Dr. Bailey two years ago, but I find something new every visit. Today I noticed the brush strokes in the paint, the different directions the brush went to create a realistic texture. I would never be able to paint, I decided.

My doctor walks in now. I don't take my eyes off of the painting as I heard her heels walk against the hard wood floor. Just as I was beginning to understand the technique the artist used to paint the planet in the top right hand corner I hear the leather of her chair shift as she sits," Good afternoon Kyle. How are you this week?"

I look at her now. She's wearing a maroon skirted business suit with an off white laced undershirt to cover her cleavage. Her blond hair is straight and short, only coming down to her chin and her face was only lightly painted with makeup. It was a common look for her. She is actually a very beautiful woman. My friends had come with me to a session once and Kenny never once stopped flirting. They came because Dr. Bailey wanted to put faces to the friends I was talking about. Even Cartman came. I only let him tag along since she wanted to meet the one person I could truly hate if I really let myself. We all sat together and played board games to be honest, but I think she got enough out of it because she never asked for them to come again. She said that playing those types of games can really bring out a person's personality and help people bond as well.

"I suppose I can't complain," I responded to her question," School is fine and I'm ahead in my studies. With the school year coming to an end, my choirs have decreased some so I have more time to prepare for exams. I continue looking at collages and writing essays for scholarships but I still have a lot to do before senior year."

"Are you leaving enough down time for yourself like we discussed?"

"I don't have enough time."

"Kyle, you're going to work yourself into a mental break down if you don't create some time for yourself. Play a video game, watch a movie, hang out with friends. When was the last time you spoke to Stan?" Now this I always found interesting about Dr. Bailey. She knew without me having to tell her how close Stan and I were. She called him my best friend before I told her that he was. I guess board games do show a lot of personalities. I mean, when a game called for teams it was just known that we were together.

"We talk close to every night, I guess." It never a cured to me that we talked that often and I think it surprised Bailey a little too. She cocked an eyebrow to my comment but brushed it off.

"Well at least you're not ignoring your friends," there was one of her non-professional comments.

"Do you ever talk like a normal shrink?"

"Have you ever known me to?"

"No, I haven't, but it is just so strange that you talk to your patients like..." I didn't know how to finish...

"Like a normal person? Kyle the only time I really have to worry about how to communicate with a patient is if there really is something troubling them. Your fine. Your only issue is that you are becoming a work-aholic." We both sort of laughed at this.

Bailey was right though. There wasn't anything wrong with me. I did work a little too hard and even Stan and Kenny have told me to stop and "smell the roses" from time to time, but it really isn't anything to see a doctor for. My mother just insisted that I went; she kept saying that she didn't know why but that she knew at some point I was going to need help with something and that I wouldn't be able to talk to her about it. She was so scared about that she was right about this "feeling" she had that she started looking up therapist as soon as she could. I do have to give my father credit for trying to talk her out of making me go to Dr. Bailey but in the end he gave up. Maybe he thought I would need to talk to someone about **her**?

I remember the first visit was a lot of fun. It started out shaky sure, but after she started talking to me I relaxed. She told me that first couple of visits she just wanted to get to know me so we watched television and played games, she even had me draw for her. I'm really not an artist. I tried to draw a dog and she mistook it for a pig. We laughed and had fun with it. My appointments now are not much different though, we just talk about current events and home life. She even shares her life with me. She is getting married soon and I get to hear a lot of wedding planning stories. It's like coming to visit a friend more than a psychiatrist.

After my appointment I walked out to my car. My parents had gotten it for me for my seventeenth birthday, mostly so they wouldn't have to drive me anywhere. I can't complain at all though. It truly is a beautiful car. I picked it out myself but because it was over the budget of what they wanted to spend I have to raise the money to pay back the difference. I started raising that money by the chores I do around the house and I plan on getting a summer job. I sit in my lovely, rebuilt, 210 horse powered, 298 engine sized, liquorice black, 1995, Ford Mustang Convertible...I have quite a bit to pay back...but oh is it worth it. My mother wasn't too keen on this car but my father says I have great taste. Just as I was turning on the car and hearing that wonderful engine purr my phone rings in my pocket.

"Hey Stan" I answer without even looking at the caller ID.

"Hey Dude, how was today's session?"

"Don't act like you're interested my personal life Stan. What did you call about?" I was going to put the top down but since Stan called I'll save him the annoying sound of wind. I drive off down the road.

"Nothin' really...I mean...are you going to junior prom next month?"

I turn on my Bluetooth to keep my hands free for the road. It came with the package deal when I got the phone, might as well use it," Let me guess," I start," Wendy wants to go and you want to drag me along to keep you from blowing your brains out."

"Well...not just that...Wendy...kinda...wants to set you up."

"Who?"

"Oh...ah Well she was talking to Millie and Millie was saying how she needed a date or something."

"Set her up with someone else. Wendy set me up with her before and it didn't end well," that was true I went on a pity date with Millie last time Wendy wanted to do a double date and she turned out crazier than bat shit. By the end of our third date she had already started talking about our kids.

"I was kinda hoping you had forgotten about that."

"Your such a great friend"

"I try...So you going to find a date or you just not going?"

"Why do I have to have a date?"

"Status really"

"...Yeah I'll find one…Without your girlfriend's help."

We laughed at that and just started to talk about sports and classes and nothing really in particular. We talked until I got home. I had to let him go when I got into my drive way it was about 6:30pm and dinner was most likely on the table.  
When I got inside I announced myself and made my way to the dining room. My family had already been seated and having a simple dinner.

"Oh hello, Bubbie," She greets as I bend over for her to give a kiss on my cheek. The little things to make her happy, "How was your day?"

"It was fine." I sit down and start dishing out my plate, "I got an A on my English report but I only got a B on my government class test."

She shook her head at this," Well that's ok Bubbulah, You still have your final to make up for that up that B. You still have an A average right?"

"Yeah, so far."

"Well you'll be fine then. Remember you won't be able to qualify for grants so you have to get those scholarships."

"I will mom; if not my grades then by basket ball."

Ike laughed at this, "Let's hope your grades work out then. You may be hot stuff here in South Park but you can't possibly think you can make it against real players."

"I'm sure I can hold my own," I respond, "I'm a little short but I'm a good player."

"That's right Ike. It doesn't take only height to play but talent," My father chimed, he always tried to support me in no matter what I did, "I'd say our Kyle could make pros if he wanted to." He was good making me proud of myself.

My little brother sinkers and takes a spoonful of mashed potatoes, "He won't make shit."

"IKE! What have I told you about that potty mouth of yours!"Mother scolded. I just smiled as I eat.

After dinner I went to my room for a little studying before bed. In a way I liked studying. It made me feel prepared and accomplished. But I still wished I could be a little bit more care-free like my friends. Stan just did his studies like a normal kid would and just hoped that his talents in football would carry him through collage. Kenny just sort of gave up on the idea he could make it to collage...but I think really does want to make something of himself...I wish I didn't worry **so** **much** about the future...I wish I could just fly through life like they did. My mind was too much like that painting in Dr. Bailey's office...crowded and abstract. I couldn't focus on just one thing. I could be thinking about the earth and then all the other planets and stars would come crashing into my mind and I wouldn't be able get back to the original topic. I take my glasses off and rub my tired eyes...I need a break. I let my head rest there on my hands and almost fall asleep...I need to sleep. I look at my clock and find I've been studying...or maybe I was sleeping for some time now; it's a little past nine. I look at my schedule and decide it's time to just call it a day. I still have a lot to do tomorrow: Wake up cram for tomorrow's math quiz, go to school, after school is basket ball practice, then straight home for dinner and get ready for Stan's game, then home again for a couple chores, studies, bed...Maybe Bailey's right maybe I should slow down...but going to the football game counts as down time I think...That's going to have to count. I set my alarm for 5am and go to bed.

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THE FIRST CHAPTER IS DONE! D:

I hope that you all liked it! If you do or do not like this story leave me a review and tell me why. (no flames tho please. there's no need to be mean)

Thank you and have a Wonderful Day! :)

~Rococo~


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Corner:**

Chapter two is now up and ready to read. :) I wrote this one twice as long the first one and I plan on keeping it up. :) Please let me know what you thing. I have a good amount of people looking at the story but I only really KNOW that three people like it. So let me know people! :D

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Chapter Two:

Stan's POV

**School Schedules and Best Friends**

"No, Wendy…Yes, Wendy…Got it right here…Yes I know you don't want me to fail…Wendy when have I ever forgotten to call you before a game? ...Ok there was that one time…Wendy…Wendy? …Wendy I love you? …Ok See you at school."

I let out a big sigh. How can one girl talk so damn much at 6:00am! Every morning I get a call from my girlfriend with reminders about homework; eat a good breakfast, and anything else she can think of to nag me about before the day starts. It's cute how she likes to take care of me but I'm not her child…I'm her boyfriend and I would like to be treated that way from time to time. Oh well. She's such a great person and I shouldn't complain that someone like her would want to be with someone like **me**. I mean she is so focused on school and the future. She makes straight A's, she's class president and volunteers at the soup kitchen…she can do anything and not even break a sweat. Me? My only after school activity is being quarter-back for the South Park Cows and I still have trouble keeping my grades up. The only reason I have as good of grades as I do, which are B's and C's, is because I have Kyle and Wendy as tutors. You can't ask for better teachers then the two students that are tied for Valedictorian.

I hear Kyle's car honk outside my house signaling it's time for school. Since Kyle is the only one with a car he drives us to school in the mornings (and anywhere else) and I help with gas. I'm the only one that helps since Kenny can't and Cartman just won't. I start collecting my books and papers and cram them into my backpack. I guess Kyle wasn't very patient today cause I hear him come through the front door. Kyle has been able to just walk into our house since elementary school but he never did until middle school.

"Do you not get that you're supposed to be outside by the time I'm in your driveway?" Kyle jokes as he walks into my room. God I hate how he can look good in anything. He's keeping it simple today, a black T-shirt with jeans, a snazzy brown leather jacket and shoes that were a cross between sneakers and dress shoes. If I tried to wear something like that I'd just look like a tool. His hair was a little frizzier that normal but that was just because it rained last night. He actually got better control of his "Jew-fro" as he got older; mousse became his best friend. But it was the glasses he got in late middle school that got all the girls swooning over him. He really could get any girl in school.

"Don't act like you hot-shit just 'cause you have the car. Just wait I'm almost saved up for my own car and then I'll run your ass over with it." I say as I sling my backpack over my shoulder.

"Yeah, Yeah, Hey is it embarrassing that when you go on a date with Wendy she's the one picking you up?"Kyle remarks. I throw my math work book at him and laugh as he tries to dodge it.

As I walk past him he gives me a punch on the shoulder but yet he picks my book up for me and hands it to me. That's what I love about mine and Kyle's friendship; we take nothing personally and can just be ourselves. We're as close as two guys can get.

We go out to the car and Kenny is already waiting on us in the back seat. I wave to him and take the front seat.

"Hey Kenny, how's it going?" I ask him as I bend back and we exchange fist bumps. Kenny wore a Mario hoodie, with the hood down to show off his messy blond hair, the hoodie was grey and had a picture of old school bower on the front pockets. Kyle had bought it for him for his birthday last year and has worn it ever since. Kenny was also wearing some old ratty jeans and messed up brown boots. I felt bad for Kenny's money situation but at the same time I never knew how to confront him about it without it sounding like I felt sorry for him. Kenny has always had a since of pride.

"You know; same old, same old," He replies. I really didn't know. I would still call Kenny my friend but we just didn't talk like we used to. He had become more Kyle's friend then mine. I guess some friends just drift apart. If only that could happen with the next friend we were about to pick up.

Yes we let Cartman tag along on our ride to school. I told Kyle not to do it but he feels sorry for Cartman. Cartman never has or really never will have friends…'sept us. I always admired Kyle for trying to show Cartman kindness even though we all know he doesn't deserve it.

Kyle turns on the radio as we drive to fat ass's house. He puts it on this station that is full of the 80's and early 90's; only sometimes does it play a new song here and there. But you know… I like it. It's a nice break from all of the overplayed songs on mine or Wendy's stations.

Then Kyle starts the conversation with "So, I'm thinking of asking Tess Neilson to the prom.'

"Wait…the senior? You really think she's going to go to her senior prom with a junior?" I ask him with a smirk. Yeah right she'll yes, she's the most popular girl in school.

"Why couldn't she? Our prom is held together anyway. I will be dancing on the same gym floor the same time she will so she might as well be dancing together."

"Nice logic there." I scoff

"You gonna' bang her?"Kenny asks," I mean it is prom after all."

"Hmm…Haven't decided," Kyle answered

I do a double take," Wait. You're trying to **score** with Tess?"

Kyle gives a boyish smile," You put it in such a harsh way Stan, but in a since…I haven't decided yet."

I sit back and let my eyes lay on the road, "It's just that…I don't know. You've always been **dating** the girls you sleep with. You've never had a one night stand before. I thought you...I don't know…didn't treat sex so casual." I shouldn't be this upset. Both Kyle and I had lost our virginity back in freshmen year. We made it a mission to lose our virginity the same night at the ninth grade spring break party we threw just to get with our girlfriends. (Typical teenage boy dreams I guess) I of course lost mine to Wendy. We had gotten back together in our late seventh grade and after a year we thought it was time to make things serious. We broke up a little after that and I ended up dating this girl named Julia. We did it after a week. I broke up with her and got back with Wendy and we've stayed together ever since. It's kind of an unspoken truce for no one to tell Wendy I slept with Julia. Kyle on the other hand had been with three girls. He dated a sweet girl named Lisa for a wail in freshman year. She was smart and pretty and she was even studying Judaism for Kyle. He seemed like he was into her; she was the one he lost his virginity to. A month after spring break he broke up with her. She didn't take it well and wrote nasty things about him on her blog. Anyway after that he actually hooked back up with Rebecca. I told him it was a bad idea but he's so damn attracted to her intelligence he completely ignored the fact that she's a giant whore. I mean so much of a whore that **Kenny** won't even sleep with her for the fact that he might get an STD. Kyle got lucky. He slept with her once but then found out she was cheating and that ended things real quick. After that he kinda rebounded on Millie when Wendy set them up…I guess they weren't really an item but they had done a couple of double date with Wendy and me. I had gotten over that he had been with more girls then me only because I still have had done it more **times** than he has. But now he wants to sleep with Tess? Fuck…Why does this bother me?

"Why are you so hard on his case Stan?" Kenny leans up to ask me," Is he not getting enough of that from his mom?"

The car stops in Cartman's driveway and Kyle honks the horn. As I'm thinking over Kenny's question Cartman comes out of his house and walks towards the car. He's wearing a Bowling for Soup T-shirt, coat, jeans and black sneakers. Right before he opens the door Kyle puts the Car in reverse and lets the car roll for a second before putting back on the breaks. We all laugh each time he tries to open the door. This happened about three more times and Cartman turns red with anger.

"Kyahl! Kyahl, I'm not playing! Let me in the damn car!" Kyle tricks him one more time for good measure," DAMMIT YOU STUPID JEW LET ME IN!"

"Hey! You want in, you ask nicely!" Kyle yells at him.

Cartman takes a breath and closes his eyes," Kyle will you please let me in the car," He says it more as a statement then a question but Kyle is satisfied and lets Cartman in.

But as soon as Cartman is safe inside the car he starts up," YOU'RE A DAMN JEW-WHORE KYAHL AND YOU CAN JUST SUCK MY BALLS!"

Kyle calmly pulls completely out of the drive way and heads for school and Kenny and I laugh at the whole thing.

School had started out fine. Everyone was stopping me in halls to wish me luck on the big game that night; even teachers. I got to say being the star quarterback is not bad for the ego. Everyone looks up to you and admires you. Well everyone 'sept the goth kids. But you know, somewhere down the years America's favorite sport went from baseball (which is my personal favorite sport but my school doesn't give scholarships for it) to football and if you are somehow in relations to that sport you are royalty of the school. Wendy doesn't really like how football changes status but she understands why I'm playing and still cheers me along. I guess America goes through its fads with sports like kids do with toys. Hell, Kyle would have been the big man on campus with his basketball skills if we were still in the 50's. He's the best player on the team and I never miss a game.

The second semester had started some time ago and so our block schedules had changed with the semester. Meaning instead of me taking Spanish 1(I had to retake the class and luckily passed this year.), Government, Lunch , American History, then Computer class it was now Algebra 2, English 2, Lunch, Biology 1 ( I took Chemistry 1 last year and hated it. I passed but I switched to biology), and then Shop. So with this schedule that means that I have Kenny with me in math class, I'm stuck with Cartman in English, I get to sit with everyone during lunch, But Biology 1 and Shop I'm left to the rest of my peers.

First Period was ok. I try to take notes but I still have to have it all explained to me later. I look over to Kenny who is sitting in the back of the classroom balancing a pencil on his upper lip. I swear I don't understand how he passes his classes…He must sleep with the teachers…But I don't know what he's going to do this semester since our teacher is a dude. Kenny catches my stare and mouths a "What?" to me. All I can do his shake my head and go back to the lecture.

Second Period was a little more awkward. But how could it not when Cartman feels the need to sit next to me. English is easy for me though. I'm great with spelling and grammar. The only thing I have problems with is the papers we have to write. I never know how to start them but Kyle always helps me with those. I tend to not pay much attention in English though. The morning catches up with me by second period and I tend to fall asleep (That's how I failed Spanish). Depending on the day Cartman will either wake me up like a good friend or rat me out to the teacher just to be a dick. That's the thing about Cartman, he changes sides so quickly or maybe he's never really on a side but his own.

With lunch, things always get better. After English class Cartman and I end up walking together to our lockers to get our lunches and to meet up with Kyle. We got to pick our lockers so we all just got lockers side by side. Wendy's locker was with her friends so we met up with her in the lunch room and Kenny usually goes straight to the lunch room to get in the lunch line. His mom signed him up for free lunches so he would have at least one decent meal a day. When we get to the lunch room we can decide if we want to rush and catch a table that can fit everyone or we can just sit outside. We tend to just sit outside. My friends and I sit in a group and Wendy sits in her group that right next to us. This way we can eat together but not suffocate each other at the same time. Kyle, Cartman and I get outside and Wendy and Bebe are already eating. I walk over to her and give her a greeting peck as I sit down," Hey Babe."

"Hey Stan," She smiles sweetly at me," You excited about the game tonight?"

"Yeah I guess. It's just another game really. I don't have to worry about collage scouts until next year, so whatever," I shrug the whole thing off

"Well just be careful out there. I don't want you breaking any bones."

"Quite worrying," I put my arm around her and kiss her head to reassure her. Bebe now gets tired of our affection and turns towards Kyle and leans over showing her cleavage," So Kyle, have you decided who you're going to ask to prom?" I let my arm fall from Wendy's shoulders as I feel irritation forming. I open my lunch bag as Kyle starts to answer the question.

"Tess Neilson." Kenny and I say together. Kenny had made it just in time to hear the question and answer for Kyle. I was just muttering under my breath. Her name tasted bad in my mouth. I just wish I knew why. Kenny sits down with us now," He's going to get his ass kicked by her fan club."

Kyle just shrugs," I don't even know if I'm going to ask her yet."

Bebe tilts her head slightly," Well you better figure out if you're going to soon. She's a pretty popular girl. She probably already has guys asking her."

Kyle leans back and thinks on this," You really think people are already getting dates?"

"DUH!" Both Wendy and Bebe chime as if it's just common since. Bebe continues though," Think about it Kyle, girls have to figure out who to go with, then based on who they're going with they pick a dress, figure out transportation, and then decide if they're going to go to their dates house or to their own for "cuddling". And if she **does** want to sleep with her date she has to figure out what kind of underwear-"

"Ok!" Kyle breaks her off there," Geez you people think way too much about this. So what I have to ask her sometime this week?"

Wendy pipes up," I would ask her today. If you really want to go with Tess you have to act fast."

Kyle runs his hand through his hair," This is so stupid. Why do I have to have a date in the first place?"

"I'm not going to go with one." Kenny assures him.

I can't help to question this though. I figure if anyone would have a date it would be Kenny even though Kenny doesn't have much going for him somehow he always has a girl at the end of the day. I mean Kenny isn't ugly by all means but he's still kinda short. He's only a little taller than Wendy and she only comes up to my shoulders. But besides his stature he's considered a bad kid…but maybe that's what's so appealing about him. He's the guy girls try to date to get even with their parents. Too bad for them Kenny doesn't date. He just sleeps with girls and leaves in the morning before they wake up. But I ask anyway," Why aren't you taking anyone?"

"Are you kidding?"He answers with a cocky attitude. He has a plan. He continues with," All I have to do is wait until some poor girl is stood up or just left on the bleachers. I come swooping in like the hero and comfort her. She's so overwhelmed with emotion that instead of dancing in the gym we go her place and dance the Horizontal Mambo." Leave it to Kenny.

"Oh my god that's horrible Kenny!" Wendy almost gags at our perverted friend," How can you play with a poor girls emotions like that!"

"It's not my fault! You guys make it so damn easy."

"Yeah," Cartman decides to cut into the conversation now," Maybe if you ladies weren't such emotional wreaks in the first place you wouldn't be such easy targets."

"Like you know anything about this topic Cartman," Bebe points at him," Have you even had your first kiss?"

Cartman starts to stumble now but I've lost interest and turn to Kyle who has just been glad the conversation had veered away from him. I lean closer to him so our conversation won't disturb the others," You know…you really don't **have **to have a date. Wendy will most likely run off with her friends and we can hang out."

"You said it yourself Stan, if I didn't have a date Wendy wanted to set me up with Millie and I would not have one second to myself if I was stuck with Millie. Besides, you know Wendy is going to want to dance and stuff. Not to mention you'll be dancing the "horizontal mambo" yourself later that night. I would be in the way, the third wheel, if I didn't have a date of my own."

He had a point…So why did it bug me so much that he was trying to hook up with Tess? "So you going to ask her out then?" I ask nonchalantly.

He just sighs," Yeah, I just wish it wasn't that big a deal."

"If you don't want it to be a big deal why go with the most popular girl in school?"

"Because she's cute. I have kind of a picky taste and she's the only girl I'd be ok going with, I think." Kyle was always picky about the girls he'd go out with. He didn't really have a type per say but he just had a hard time find girls he liked. The even the three girls he actually had relationships with didn't last all that long. What was it about Tess that caught his attention? Let's see…She was the most popular girl in school but Kyle isn't really into dating for status…She had big tits but Kyle didn't care much for size as long as they looked proportionate to their body and her's well…weren't…Ok so she did have good grades but I'm positive that she cheats and Kyle hates that…so what was it that made him want her?

"She's probably a good lay," I hear him say and I just can't believe it.

"Dude, is that all your thinking about?" I ask him wail taking a bite of my sandwich so I didn't look upset.

"Hey man, your dragging me to this stupid prom. I am at least going to get laid for it."

"You know there's more to high school life than sex"

"This coming from the guy who gets it about once a week."

"Dude no I don't…often sure but not **that **often."

"Yeah well do you know how long it's been for me?"

"Since the spring."

"It's creepy that you know that."

"I stand outside your window and watch you undress to."

"I know you do. Those nights I masturbate…all for you."

"You know I thought I saw you wink at me but I didn't want to assume."

Our joke was interrupted to Cartman shaking his head," You guys...are such fags."

Kyle and I just laugh as we find out the rest of the group came into our conversation at the wrong time. I lean over to Cartman and start giving him a noogie, and Cartman just starts to complain about my homo-germs getting on him. Lunch was over soon. It's an hour long but it feels a lot shorter than that. We go to our lockers and after that we all split to our next class. I look back to see Kenny walking with Kyle. Their classes aren't anywhere near each other. My guess is Kenny's giving girl advice.

I couldn't pay attention in class. Biology was only fun in the bed room. But that wasn't the only problem. I couldn't get Kyle dating out of my head. He hadn't been dating in a long time. He would always say he didn't have the time or that it would cut into our time and we always made it a promise that we would never give up our bro time for some girl. I don't' know. I think I'm just getting work up over nothing. I'm dating Wendy and I can still make time for him. So I'm sure he would still have time for me. It's just going to be weird to share him. That's what I thought about the whole class period. I didn't even know how long I had zoned out until the bell rang.

Shop got me out of my funk though. I was making a bat box. It's like a bird house only the door is at the bottom so the bat can hand upside down in it and still get out with ease. What can I say I like animals. Clyde was in class and we often hung out in that class. He was pretty cool. He was also on my football team so we had that in common. He was normal and I think that's why I liked him. We would talk about football, girls, school, movies and we would joke around a lot to. It's funny how you can have your best friends and then you have your regular friends and then it hits to class room friends. It's like saying" Hey I want to be your friend but only cause my other friends aren't around. So for this hour and a half we are best bud but after that fuck off." and you're both ok with it.

After class Clyde and I walked to the locker room to get ready for the pre-game pep talk and a little practice. When we got there the locker room was full. I forgot that the basket ball team had a practice meet today too. I gave Clyde a pat on his back," I'll see ya at the meet man."

I heard him say ok as I walked to my locker. When I got there Kyle was already there. See our small school didn't have enough lockers in the gym for both the football and basket ball teams so Kyle and I shared a locker. He was just starting to get dressed starting with taking off his shoes. I feel a smile spread across my face when I see him," Hey I better find all of my belonging still in there," I warn him. I give him a playful punch when I approach him. Kyle laughs and punches me back and we do that a few more times until Kyle takes my head and ruffles my hair and pushes my head away.

"So you ready for the game?" Kyle asked me as he took off his shirt. I couldn't help but notice that Kyle's body was different from my own. He had muscle sure but it was leaner than mine. He was still skinny while my muscles made me look a little buff. I bet girls like his frame better. It looked smoother and easier to hold than my build…yeah if I was a girl I would like that kind of body better than mine.

"Why does everyone ask me that?" I ask.

"I don't know Dude. You ask me when I have a game."

"Sorry, I don't know, I feel like everyone puts the game on me just cause I'm the quarter back. Like…if we lose, it will somehow be only my fault."

"That's a lot of stress on your shoulders…" Kyle looked at me with concern. I can't help but smile at him.

"I'm ok Kyle. It just bugs me sometimes. Besides, as long as we win I don't have to worry about people being mad at me." I laugh and give him a friendly pat on the shoulder. He just shakes his head and smiles.

We continue to get dressed so we can head on to practice. It's nice to know that even if the whole town hated me for a stupid game Kyle would still stand beside me and call me friend.

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Well I hope everyone liked it. If not give me some pointers :) This is my first fanfic after all. I'm sure I need some advice.

Thank you and have a Wonderful Day! :)

~Rococo~


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Corner:**

Hello again. Today we have a little look at our sweet little Kenny. I have to say it is not as up-beat as the last chapters. D8 Oh and if crack and meth are the same thing let me know. I'm just assuming they are two different things.

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Chapter 3:

Kenny's POV

**The McCormicks**

I leaned against the brick wall of the school. The back of the school was the best place to chill after school…well it is to me. See the Goths hung out there and they always have cigarettes I can bum. I had my own sure, but why smoke mine when I can get an extra one for free. And that my friend is the best stress relief. Take a long drag off a cigarette and not worrying about your own supply running low. I tilt my head back as I slowly release the smoke out of my lungs. I watch the smoke drift off into the air and then fade into nothingness…I wonder what that must be like…I snort and take my last drag tossing the butt on the ground and twist it into the dirt with my worn out sneaker.

School ended at four and I was only outside for about fifteen minutes so I still had time to hit the showers before everyone made it to practice. With any luck the locker rooms will still be crowded. I made my way back into the gym through the back door and walked over to the locker doors. I took a semi deep breath and walked in. As soon as I made it through the doors I scanned the room and saw two easy targets: Token or Butters. Now Butters would be the easier of the two because he's trusting, to trusting poor kid, but he was on the basket ball team and that meant he was about to leave. Token would make the better choice here since he's on the football team and will be in the locker room longer waiting on his coach. So I start walking faster making my way towards Token and Clyde. They were in some kind of friendly argument. Token got into the conversation and turned away from his wide open locker. I make my move. Token's locker was at the end and this made things easy. I bump my shoulder against it as my hand went in. I rammed my shoulder good to make it loud and realistic. I shove my hand that was in the locker into my hoodie pocket and let my other hand hold my now injured shoulder and bent over in "pain". Token and Clyde look at me and laugh," Find the wall there Kenny?" Clyde asks.

"Yeah…What bastard put that there?" I chuckle with them. Then I turn and smile taking out Token's shampoo out of my pocket and flipping it in my hands. Even if people saw me with it they saw me take it out of my pocket, who's to say it's not mine. I always like taking Token's cause he always has the shampoo, conditioner, and body wash all in one stuff. I start whistling but stop when I see Stan and Kyle staring at me. Kyle has a look of disapproval and Stan, the dummy, just looks confused. Kyle knows exactly what I did cause I told him that I've been doing it for some time. I look away from them because I know what Kyle will say. The same thing he always says," You don't have to do that Kenny. Just come to me and I'll buy you what it is you need to borrow." But I don't want him to. I can take care of myself just fine. He's a good friend. Always there…but sometimes I don't want anyone there…just me.

I make my way to the showers so I can bathe myself. It was Friday night and this will only be my second shower of the week. I guess that normal for some guys but I think you're supposed to take one every day. Plus my hair was itching from being oily so a shower was needed. The only thing about school showers is that there is no privacy. The shower heads are all lined up along the wall and there are no curtains or walls to hide your goods. At least in the army you get these chest tall sheet things; or at least that's what my brother Kevin told me. I don't know. There is one walling that divides the showers and the lockers though and at the end of it is a cart with clean towels. I take my clothes of right after I pass the wall, I then bundle them up and reach over to the other end of the wall and place them on the floor beside the cart. I have no locker since I'm not on a sports team so there really isn't anywhere else to put them. No one steals them since they're not worth stealing anyway. It will be a shame when I graduate and loose my access to the school. No more free food, warmth, and water. Sure I could have gone home for a shower but we never have hot water and when I get home I'm usually stuck there until my parents go to bed or pass out. It's just easier to use the school for most of my needs.

After my shower everyone had already gotten dressed and was heading out to practice. I rub the towel over my hair one last time before I throw it in the hamper. I use my fingers to comb my hay stack hair and consider myself presentable. Now that I was clean and dressed I place Token's shampoo beside his locker and make my way outside to the football field. The cheerleaders should be going over their drills by now.

When I reached the football field I saw that I was right on time. The cheerleaders were just finishing their stretching and was about to start the drills. I sat myself on the bleachers and took out my smokes. I was just getting my first puff when Wendy sat down beside me.

"Those things will kill you, you know." She says as she watches the girls run their routine. I smile and blow the smoke up in the air.

"I'm betting on the second hand smoke killing **you** before it gets rid of me."I reply.

"You would...You know its people like you that make me hate cheerleading."

"People like me?"

"Yeah. I could respect cheerleaders for their gymnastics and determination but all the "Kennys" in the world ruin it with their eye balling and cat calls."

"I don't cat call."

"No I bet you just masturbate to them later that night."

"Don't have to. One of them usually takes me home." I take a hit.

Wendy looks at me with disgust and scoot away a few inches. I laugh and take another drag of my cigarette. We just sit there in silence watching the cheerleaders. She was watching to support Bebe who was training to become head cheerleader next year. But I was just enjoying the show. Most pre-games were like this. Wendy and I sat together on the bleachers watching everyone get ready for the "big night". We didn't much care for each other but at the same time it was better than sitting alone.

"Are you not cold?" I heard her ask.

"What?"

"How are you not cold? Your head is soaked, why?"

"I took a shower. It's not that cold out."

"Why not just blow dry it?"

"I don't have one. Besides, guys don't blow dry their hair."

"Stan does."

"Stan's not exactly somebody I would model myself after." This shuts Wendy up for a second but the comment must have bothered her because she turned fully to me now and crossed her arms.

"And just what is wrong with Stan?"

"Wendy I came here to watch girls jump up and down and you yapping your mouth is ruining the experience."

"Oh I am so sorry that me trying to have a conversation with you is ruining your opportunity to watch jiggley boobies." She gets up and storms away heading to her boyfriend at the water station. I take a long drag of what she would call a "cancer stick" and let the smoke fill me before I release it into the air. What Stan sees in her I will never understand. I can barely stand her the little time we spend together. I sit back and watch the show below me…if it wasn't for the male cheerleaders the show would have been perfect.

Later on Kyle, Wendy, Cartman, and Butters joined me and we found good seats for the game. We kinda had to act fast because with a small town like this everyone came. There wasn't anything else to do in town, so everyone made a big deal about it and even some stores were shut down so that the people who worked there could go and see it. In a weird way I liked it. I liked how everyone knew everyone and that a whole town could get together and cheer for their children. But a small town also meant that everyone knew your good and bad business and even if they didn't know they thought they knew and would spread rumors. You have to take the good with the bad I guess.

After seating was taken care of, Kyle and I went for food and drinks. (Kyle was paying for mine.) We walked in silence but I knew what was coming. He was going to lecture me for taking Token's soap. He was going to tell me that I could go to him for stuff like that and that there are better ways to get by.

"I gave it back." I started before he did.

"Gave what back? My notes? Did you put them in my locker?"

"I have your notes? Wait-No I mean Token's Shampoo. I gave it back before he even knew it was gone."

"Oh…Okay. I wasn't going to ask. It's not my business. You know you can ask for help so I don't need to lecture you. But I will beat you if you don't give me back my notes by tomorrow."

I laughed, "Okay, okay. So hey what are you doing after the game?"

He sighs as we step into a long line at the concession stand, "I will never understand why they don't open another hot dog stand at these games." He looks to me now, "As far as I know Stan is coming over tonight, you wanna hang with us?"

"Nah…You guys chill. I'll find something else to do."

"Suit yourself…You know I'm sure Stan doesn't even know you guys are…well what would you call it, are you in a fight?"

I shrug, "No it's nothing like that. We just don't really get along anymore."

"I guess."

Kyle and I made it to the end of the line now and ordered our food: I had two hot dogs and a large fry, Kyle got some caramel corn, Butters got a small fry, Wendy told us to get her a strawberry ice-cream, and we all wanted a large pop. Now the problem was carrying it all back in this crowd. I held mine and Wendy's food as Kyle took his and Butter's and with only a few run-ins with people we made it back to our seats. Kyle and I sat down and Kyle passed Butter's fries to me I passed them to Wendy and Wendy handed them to Butters. I then gave Wendy her strawberry ice-cream cone.

"EWW witch one of you already licked it!" She shrieked.

"You should be thanking me, toots. It was melting so I cleaned it up for you," I explained. She really didn't have that much to fuss over.

"I told him not to but who can stop him." Kyle shrugged but you could tell he was enjoying this.

Before Wendy could even say another word though, Cartman practically yelled," Where the hells my food?"

Kyle leaned over and gave Cartman a nasty look, "You don't need any food you fat lard. I bet you already ate full three coarse meal before you even got here."

"SO! I can't help it if I'm still hungry Kyahl!"

"You could if you ate right and started eating smaller portions. Your stomach would shrink and you wouldn't be such a lard ass"

"So you want me to starve is that it Kyle? You want me to just starve like a Jew in a camp?"

"ALRIGHT THAT'S IT!" Kyle started for the fat bastered but I and Wendy got up. I held him and Wendy, bless her weak skinny self, was ready if he broke through me.

"Oh th-that's ok Eric you can have some of my french-fries" Butters offered. I could never tell if he was too nice for his own good or just a cowered to confrontation.

Cartman snorted like the pig he was and spoke," Like I would want your left-overs. Come one Butters we'll go get me something Good to eat."

Butters rubbed his knuckles, "O-Okay Car-"

"Go by yourself Cartman." Kyle said a little calmer now. Wendy sat back down but I stayed standing just in case. He continued, "There is no reason why Butters should have to go with you. You can carry your own damn food"

"Well that's ok Kyle I don't mind at all helping Ol' Eric out."

Cartman stood a little taller now, "See that Kyle? At least someone is willing to be a nice person in this situation." With that Cartman and Butters walked off into the crowd.

Kyle and I sat back down and watched them disappear. We all sat there for a miniute in silence watching the band and players get ready.

"I don't see why you let him get to you like that." Wendy blurted.

"Same reason you do when we talks smack about ecosystems and nature. He just knows how to press the right buttons, I guess," Kyle slouched but hardened his shoulders as he answered. Kyle and Wendy never really talked much and when they did there wasn't much to say. Strange, you would think the two biggest nerds in school would have a lot to say to each other. Didn't matter anyway I guess.

The band was starting now and the color guard started their routine. I never understood why people said that the color guard girls were ugly I had slept with plenty of them and let me tell ya some of them are not only prettier then the cheerleaders, but they are actually better in bed. After the big opening the home team, meaning our school's team, busted out onto the field. Kyle and Wendy stood cheering for Stan as I just sat and watched.

Butters and Cartman made if back just in time for the kick off. We all hung out on the bleachers talking and watching our school cream the other team, but a little after the first quarter Kyle got up and said he would be back. I figured he was going to get a refill or something. Though, before I could ask him to get me one to he was gone. I looked back to my friends and saw Wendy and Cartman just finish a fight with Wendy folding her arms in a big, "HUMPTH"

"I don't see why you let him get to you like that," I mocked her with a sly smile.

She gave me a mean stare and pushed me," Oh shut up Kenny." I laughed and gave her a small push back.

Just as we were about to get into a full on battle of pushings something caught both our eyes. Stan was out in the field about to throw the ball across the field but his running slowed and he was looking towards the sidelines. Then he just stopped. The dumbass just stopped, just holding the ball in the air. I heard everyone around me yelling at him to throw the ball including the coach. Wendy was shaking me asking what was wrong with him and I was trying to see what had caught his eye but before anyone could really act the other team jumped at him and knocked him over. Everyone was a hush and we could have sworn we heard a crack. It seemed like forever as we waited for the guy to get off of him. The silence was broken when we all heard a mother's cry, "STANLEY!"

Then action took place Wendy called out and started heading for the field. The school nurse made her way to him and many of the players from both teams helped him up. Then I saw Kyle push his way through the crowd to Stan. I don't know why it stuck out in my mind that he came from the direction where Stan was staring…it shouldn't lot of people did. I shook myself out of it and stared to head over to the field where I saw Wendy and Mrs. Marsh trying to get through and to see what was going on. I walk over to them," Don't worry Mrs. M. I'm sure he's okay."

"Oh Kenny, I just don't know. I never should have let him play football," Mrs. Marsh was to tears now. Wendy and I tried to comfort her but Wendy wasn't in the best shape either. I got a good peek of what was happening through the crown and I saw Mr. Marsh and Kyle were helping Stan to the bench, all the wail I could just barely hear Stan repeat, "I can play," over and over again. I could tell he couldn't though; he was cradling his arm as they walked away. Mr. Marsh yelled out to his wife, "I'll meet you at the hospital!"

"WHAT! No way dude.."Stan's voice was lost in the crowd's commotion.

Mrs. Marsh muttered something like "My poor baby" or something like that and she and Wendy ran off. I stayed behind. The referee and coaches where telling everyone to get off the field and the game soon started again. I could have gone and checked on Stan but I felt it wasn't my place so I shoved my hands in my pockets and made my way home.

The walk wasn't bad. The air wasn't as cold as usual and the smoke from my cigarette filled my lungs nicely. I looked up at the sky again. With how often I do this you would think that I had memorized the constellations and shit, but every time I stare at that big abyss I'm staring past the sky. Past everything we know of and trying to see what's beyond that.

The sound of yelling brings me back and I realize I made it to my house…well trailer. We had to sell our original house and get a box on wheels. I take another drag and flick my smoke across the yard. As I release it I see a small figure coming to me.

"Karen what are you doing out here?" I ask the young girl. She was so small. Smaller then she should be and maybe if we ate right we wouldn't be as small as we were…or maybe it was genetics, who knows. She ran up to me and gave me a tight hug and I hugged her back. She was so frail. We pull away only a little as she looks up at me with her dirty face and unbrushed brown hair, but her blue eyes, same as mine and our mothers, shone bright and made her beauty glow, "You should smile."

"Momma and Dad are fighting again…not the usual kind a fighting but the real bad kind," She told me and pulled away completely.

"I figured they would be at the game. Why weren't you?"

"Well Momma and Dad started fighting before the game started and I wanted to stay just in case I could help…boy was I wrong."

I looked at her with strong eyes, "What do you mean? Did you get in between them? Karen I told you! You let ME handle them! You come get ME!" I took a light grip on her arm and face and tilt it so I could see if she was hurt. She understood and turned her head so I could see the bruising on her left cheek. My grip tightened only slightly.

"I'm ok…I just got in the way and he…well he was just trying to move me out of the way…with the back of his hand…" She wasn't trying to soften the story not for his sake but for mine. She knew I would get angry. He hit my little sister and I'm sure Mom was suffering the same fate right now.

I walked past Karen and busted open the door. There they were. Mom was on the floor and Dad was just about to give her another whack. Before I knew it I had him by the collar screaming in his face, "WHAT DID I TELL YOU!"

He struggled free and made a swing at me. I dodged and kicked him in the gut. I stood over him as he held his stomach. I continued, "What. Did. I. Tell. You," no answer, "I told you not to touch them. That if you wanted to hit something you hit me. THAT WAS THE DEAL!"

He started to get up and waved his hand at me as if to blow me off, "Get off yer high hurse. An't nobody wanna listen to a worthless piss a shit you are," He was drunk, probably because he couldn't get high. See Dad didn't used to be this way. He was always kind of a drunk but never like this. It wasn't until we lost the house that things went really bad. The only reason we had a house in the first place was because it was left to us by my late grandpa on my mother side but after a long time of neither of my parents able to find enough work we had to sell it and live in the trailer. That worked for a bit but bills still added up and Dad had to find other ways to make money. So he started dealing. It started out simple. First it was pot and that didn't make enough money so it went up to crack and that grew to meth. For a wail it was okay…I guess. I mean he never used it. It was just a way to put food on the table but now he was getting high off the shit and that's when he became violent. He was once just a man trying to provide for his family he just went about it all the wrong way. But I still can't forgive him. No, I will not forgive him, because he was the one who let his depression get the better of him and started using drugs to "ease the pain". He should have known it would make things worse.

I slammed him against the floor squishing his face into the carpet, "Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that? I may be smaller then you but I am stronger," this wasn't true but when he was in a stupor he believed me, "I get what little jobs I can so I can buy food for your family and you talk to me like I'M the bad guy? Get the fuck out of this house before I kill you here and now."

Surprisingly he did what I said. Maybe he **was** high and I caught him in a hallucination. That sometimes helped cause he would see me as some kind of monster or something. Whatever the case he left for the night…he would be back tomorrow but…at least for the night we were safe. I look to my mother who was now curled up crying in her hands and Karen was trying to comfort her. At this point I never know what to do. Two seconds ago I was just as violent as the man that was beating her. How can I try to make her feel better when I am no different them him? Karen and I exchange glances. She urges me to come over but I can't.

"Is she hurt?" I can't even talk to my mother after what I just did.

"Nothin's broken." She replies.

I nod and go to my room. I sit on my bed and take out a smoke and open a window. The air chills me; it's gotten colder since I was last outside. I light the tobacco stick and let the smoke and nicotine warm me. I let my head fall into my hand and let out a sigh releasing the smoke. I turn my head a little and I see a photo of my brother. It's his picture he sent us from the military. It's done professionally and it tries to make him look like some kind of hero. We haven't heard from him since he left and the only thing he sent was that picture. He's no hero. He left us…he should be the one protecting this family but he's not. He left. He ran as soon as he could and he hasn't looked back since. It makes me hate him…but…I can't blame him either.

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Kenny has had a hard life no? I have a love for Kenny but I will still torture him.

Thank you and have a Wonderful Day! :)

~Rococo~


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Corner:**

Hello again! :D Yay new chappy and yay I'm kinda happy with it!

Little Wendy's up now and We get to see what she's thinking. You know I have always felt bad for Wendy. In most of the Style fics I read Wendy is made out to be a complete bitch and I get why they do it. I mean it make the transition from her to Kyle much easier if it's done that way but I just can't see her in that light so I want there to be a different kind of conflict then that.

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Chapter 4:

Wendy's POV

**A Secret Door**

I was woken by the feel of my pillow shifting under my head. It was then that all the sounds of the hospital waiting room came to my ears. I tightened my eyes hoping to fall back asleep. I hummed a tune in my head to try and drown out the sounds of coughing or the waiting room's TV but it wasn't helping. I turned my head closer to my pillow. I noticed now it was someone's shoulder. I hoped it was Stan's but this person didn't have his earthy smell. In my groggy state I tried to figure out the sent… it was …spicier. Like those wild roses that have that peppery smell. I slowly opened my eyes and lifted my head lightly to see who was kind enough to let me sleep.

"Oh my god I am so sorry," I sat myself up rather quickly. Had I known I was leaning against Kyle I would have perhaps gotten up sooner. I wish I knew why Kyle and I have had difficulty getting along. I think it was just the best friend/girlfriend thing. We compete for Stan's attention when we shouldn't. I sigh when he doesn't answer. He just nods at me and at first I think he's being rude but the longer I look at him I notice that he has bags under his eyes and he's slouched in his chair. I look up at the clock now and see it's close to five in the morning. Kyle had been awake all this time.

"Stan broke his left wrist." He started, "The doctor didn't even get to him until about two. They should be finishing up his cast by now."

"Is he ok?" I really didn't know what else to ask.

"As far as I have been told; yeah. He will have a cast for about three month or so depending on how fast his wrist heals."

We sat there in silence now. I should have stayed awake like he did. He must think I don't care…No Kyle wasn't that kind of person. If he really thought that I didn't care we wouldn't have let me sleep on his shoulder like he did. Maybe we did have some chance to get along.

After that though, all I could think about was Stan. How was he doing? But Kyle was right maybe thirty minutes to an hour Stan and his parents came to the waiting room. Stan had a defeated look on his face as Kyle and I just stared wide eyed. What I thought was going to be a little brace ended up being a cast that went past his elbow!

"You said he only broke his wrist!" I yelled at Kyle. It looked as if Stan had broken his entire arm!

"That's what the nurse told me! Geeze, Stan are you alright?" Kyle stepped to Stan and acted like he was going to take hold his Stan's casted arm but his hands just hovered not knowing what to do. Stan rubbed the back of his neck with his good hand, "I'm fine dude. And Wends it was just my wrist. The doctor said that he didn't want me to pull any of the tendons by bending my arm too often so it had to be completely casted."

All I knew what to do was hug him, "I'm so sorry Baby." He wrapped his good arm around me and I melted into his chest. His jersey was off so the doctors could get to his arm easier. I loved his skin.

"I'm okay, really." When I look up I see him gave that warm smile that always made me feel like everything was indeed golden in the world. But then he looked at Kyle and made a chuckle, "You just wanna come over to my place instead?" I looked over to Kyle hoping he would call it a night but I knew he wouldn't.

No, Kyle shook his head and smiled at Stan, "Sure, but we have got go to bed soon. I don't know how much longer I can stay up."

I tightened my arms around Stan slightly, "If you guys are just going to go to bed then why don't you just wait until another night to have guy time?" I looked at Stan's mother for support on this but she was with Mr. Marsh dealing with the bill and release papers.

The sound of Stan's voice made me look back at him, "It's ok Wends. Kyle and I had plans and I plan on keeping them. I'll spend tomorrow…well later today with Kyle and then we can still have our date Sunday."

"I'm not worried about our date Stan Marsh. I'm worried about your health."

"I'm Fine Wends."

"If it makes you feel any better Wendy it IS only his wrist. A good night's sleep and taking it easy is really all he needs. Us watching movies isn't going to do him any harm," Kyle had to open his big mouth, didn't he.

With that the night was called, Kyle went home with Stan and I went home alone. I always hated the nights they spent together. When Stan said good night to me so he could spend more time with his friend it just seemed…backwards.

I laid in bed that night and tried to sleep but couldn't. I kept seeing Stan on the field. What the hell was he looking at? What made him completely forget he was in the middle of a game? When I do fall asleep I only wake up again an hour later. I turn to the clock and see its 7:55am. No wonder I can't sleep; it was to light out. I decide to get up and get dressed. A walk is what I need; a good long walk.

Stepping out into the crisp air was just what I needed. It was like a small slap to the face to get my head clear and functional again. Before I even pick a destination I start walking to Starks Pond. It was a nice quite place, plus I always liked watching the ducks splash and play. On my way there I see the town waking up. The shops are opening and the cars are on their way to work. It is always nice to catch the beginning of the day.

I see a boy about my age on the corner of the grocery store. He catches my glance and flicks his cigarette as a boyish grin spreads across his face. His blond hair actually seemed like it danced as the wind blew against him. He let the smoke leak from his mouth as he walked towards me. I smiled at him and greeted, "Hey Kenny. What are you doing up so early."

He snickered, "I think that's my line. If you were out and about this early often then you would know I'm up every morning to see the sunrise." He started walking with me not even asking where we were going. Maybe he already guessed, or maybe he just didn't care.

"I never took you as the sentimental type."

"Just because someone likes sunrises doesn't mean they're a sissy."

"I didn't say sissy. You did."

We both shared a small chuckle and made it to Starks Pond. We sat down on a bench and watched the water ripple from the wind. I sat with my hands in my lap while he took out another cigarette and let his elbows lean on the back of the bench.

"I really wish you wouldn't smoke around me." I say as I cover my mouth and nose.

He lets the cancer stick flop between his lips as he talks, "Does it ever get tiring being the snobby little goody-goody."

I scoff, "Is that why you followed me here? So you could fill my lungs with tar and then insult me." I then couldn't help but cross my arms and legs turning away from him.

"I'm only giving you a chance to do what you love to do."

I turn my head back to him, "WHAT does THAT mean."

He lays his head against his shoulder that faces me and looks dead into my eyes, "That you love to argue and I'm letting you." With that he places his hand on the cigarette and inhales the smoke.

As I start to talk back he exhales. If it hadn't been for the wind then his smoke would have gone straight for my face, I do not LOVE to argue!"

He smiles, "Then why are you still sitting here?"

"Well I am leaving then!"

…

"Your still here."

"Oh My God shut up! I was coming here first you just followed me so YOU should leave."

He looks out to the lake and his smile fades, "Nah, You'd get lonely sitting here all by yourself."

I just sighed and gave up. He was in all probability right. We sat there in silence for a good while. It was nice to just sit with a…friend?...yeah I guess he would be a friend of mine.

"Kenny?"

His cigarette moves up as he responds with a simple, "Hm?"

"Do you ever think about death?"

For the first time I heard Kenny choke on his own smoke. He composes himself and looks at me with questionable eyes, "What makes you ask?"

I start to feel shy about the conversation now, "Well…It's just…I knew Stan wasn't in a life or death situation last night-" Kenny sits back and I think he even sighs, "…But I guess it just got me thinking about…loosing people."

Kenny doesn't say anything at first but then he looks at me…really looks at me. He even looks sad but then his face hardens and looks strong, "There's a lot I could say to that Wendy. But to you I'll say this: When you have to think about death, always REMEMBER."

I think that he hadn't finished his sentence, "Remember what?"

"Just that Wendy. Just remember. Remember How it happened. Remember Why it happened. Remember Who it happened to…The thing about death is that…everyone forgets." He turns away and takes that sad look again. It makes me want to hold him and comfort him but I have no idea what I would be comforting him about. So I don't.

"Are you ok?"I can't help but ask.

He sighs and stands taking another long drag of his smoke, "If you have to ask," He exhales and looks down at me. The sun is shining behind his head so I can't make out his face," Then there's really no point in telling you." And then he just walks away.

There was something more to him then just crude jokes and nudey-mags; but why did he have to be so mysterious about it? It was like he was a completely different person just then. When did he become two different people?

About a week later the whole group was eating together during school lunch. We decided to sit at a table until Stan got his cast off. It would be easier for him to sit and get up that way. Stan had so many signatures on his cast that you couldn't see much of the cast at all. We were all helping him get around. He hadn't broken his dominant wrist so he could still write meaning he should be fine in his classes. But some two handed tasked needed assistance. Kyle followed him like a puppy now, carrying his books for him and opening doors. I never even had a chance to take that position. Kyle took that job before I even made it to school. What was weird is that Stan never protested…guess he just likes attention. Kyle even started bringing Stan lunches. If it wasn't finger foods it was cut up for him so that he could still eat with one hand. Was I not supposed to be the doting girlfriend?

"You know Stan…I can bring you lunch tomorrow. I can make it myself."

Stan looked like he was forcing a smile," Gee Wends that would be really sweet but…Well Kyle's mom really is a great cook and she's making me and Kyle something special for our lunch tomorrow. Besides…you hate cooking…You said yourself, you're not that good at it."

I sat there, not even knowing what to say. He just insulted me using my own words. I didn't even know he was capable of doing that. Did he even know that he was being rude? He had always just smiled and thanked me every time I have ever tried to cook for him…Did he hate it all this time? I wanted to say something mean back but couldn't think of anything…Just as I opened my mouth a brunette girl walked over to our table. She sat between Stan and Kyle and laid her head in her hand facing the now confused red headed boy. She was gorgeous. Her brown hair reached just above her waist when she stood and skin tone was fairly dark. But there was no where she could have been sunbathing and she didn't look orange so my guess was that it was natural and that she just had olive skin. She was wearing ordinary clothes but somehow she made them look cool and classy; blue jeans and a black long sleeved shirt topped with a bright yellow vest; nothing special. When she smiled at Kyle I noticed her make-up. She painted her lips in a kind of orange lip gloss and her eyes had brown mascara, brown eye liner and brown eye shadow; to enhance her already bright brown eyes. She had kind of a broad nose though. It wasn't the cute little button nose that most guys liked but somehow it worked for her.

"So I heard you were taking Tess Neilson to the prom," She spoke.

Kyle composed himself and smiled, "Yeah, I am? She said yes. Why are you so interested?"

"Well just because she said yes doesn't mean you are still going together."

"I beg your pardon?"

Just then Tess walked up flipping her hair, "Sorry Kyle. It was cute how you wanted to go to prom with me and I was going to go but I got a much better offer. Ta." And just as quickly as she appeared she walked away.

"Like I said," The brunette spoke again, "You WERE taking Tess to the prom."

"So now that I'm free?" Kyle didn't even seem fazed by what was happening. He was just dumped and this mystery girl knew it was about to happen.

"Well I was thinking that since you will be in need of a date..."

"I'm sure you were since you set this up."

"I might have but that just shows spunk and character doesn't it?"

"Pick you up at 7?"

"Of course."

"Kyle."

"I know."She then gets up and starts to walk away.

"Don't I get to know your name? Maybe and address so I know where to pick you up from?"

"Not until prom night." The brunette now turns on her heel and walks away.

We all just sit there with shock and amazement of what just happened. Then…

"DAAAAAAMN!" Kenny breaks the silence, "When the hell did you become so popular with the girls!" Kenny leans over the table and punches Kyle's shoulder.

"How come the Jew gets all the attention? It's not like he is the only boy who got asked to prom." Cartman felt the need to interject.

Kenny smirked, "Oh? You got asked out?"

"That's right."

Bebe joined in now, "By who? Your mom?" Kenny and Bebe exchange high fives and we all laugh at Cartman's protests. I look over and I see we are all laughing but Stan.

"Stan?" I nudge his good shoulder, "Stan you okay?"

Stan looks up, "Yeah I'm fine."

Kenny looks over and smirks again, "He's probably just angsty cause none of the girls faun over him anymore. All the girls used to be knocking on Stan's door but now I guess they've all forgotten about little Stan. That's what happened when you tie yourself down to one girl."

Stan just counters with, "I don't see many girls asking you out Kenny."

"Oh I'm the chaser not the chasie. Plus I told you, I'm not taking anyone. I'm getting a girl **at** the prom not before."

"Yeah, it figures you can only get other people's leftovers." There wasn't a joking tone anymore and Kenny saw that. Tension was getting weird and kinda serious so I took Stan's right arm and asked him to walk with me outside. He agreed but on our way out we could hear Kenny make a whip sound and Kyle telling him to shut up.

We walked around for a little wail and it was getting close to lunch being over.

"You don't really miss being single do you?"

"What? Wendy no."

"It's just you got kinda mad at Kenny's joke and well I don't know-"

Stan stopped in front of me and leaned down placing his forehead against mine, "I love you," and to this day I believe he meant it. The way he says that always made me feel warm and excited all at the same time. I gave him a playful smile and stepped closer to him. With my finger making its way under his pants line; my lips reached his ear and I gave his earlobe a nibble.

"Let me show you tonight."

He smiles and leans into me, "Show me what?"

"Why it's so much better to be with me then to be single." He answers me with a loving kiss and we don't care if anyone is watching.

It was six o'clock and I was officially primped for mine and Stan house date. My parents were out, I had the movie ready, popcorn popped, and I sprayed just a little of my perfume into the wind of the ceiling fan in my room to add the extra touch. Just as I was starting down the stairs get some drinks for us the door bell rings. I smile and almost dance to the door. I open the door and Stan stands there trying to look cool leaning against the door way but he doesn't quite know what to do with his broken wing. I can't help but giggle at him, "Of so suave."

"I try."

I pull him in and give him a sweet kiss. I let him go and started for the kitchen, "What do you want to drink? We have milk, water, juice, and pop."

"What kinda pop?"

"Ummm…Mountain Mist."

"Mountain Mist?"

"It's an off brand."

"Alright I'll take one of those."

I poor us two drinks and we head for my room. We settled onto my bed as I start the movie. Stan laid his casted arm on his chest and placed his good arm around me so I could cuddle on his shoulder. It was so nice to have him like this; just the two of us. Sometimes I fear what goes on when I'm away from him. I trust him not to hurt me in anyway but…Sometimes it feels like he's lying to me. I just don't know about what.

It's really not long after the movie starts that I decide to start kissing him. He acts surprised at first but goes with it and moves his wrapped arm so I can straddle him. As I place myself on top of him I can feel his body reposition itself. I dig my hands in his soft black hair as our tongues meet and dance. The ruffle of his hair sends his earthy sent into the air and I take it in when he starts to kiss my neck. I can feel his right hand sliding up my back under my shirt. His cold fingers make me shudder, but yet my body is starting to feel hot. I sit up looking down at him and he gives me a loving smile. Used to he would grin at me with a look that was boyish and fun-loving. He used to make jokes as we got sexual but now he stayed calm and serious. Was it out of love? Was he just showing how much it meant to him? …Or was it that he was bored? I returned the smile though.

"I want to take care of you tonight."I said as sexy as I could but I think it came off as cute rather than sexy.

"What does that mean?"

"That means you don't have to do anything but enjoy."

Stan seemed to like the sound of that since he gave a slight chuckle but agreed and laid back. I lifted his shirt and he helped me to take it off. It was a little awkward with the cast but the rest should be smooth sailing. Once the shirt was off I went to kissing his neck. I felt as if I needed to take my time and memorize the feel of his skin. I felt like I needed to taste him one more time before…something happened. So I went slow as I made my way down to his chest. When I got there I let my hand explore the sides of his torso as kissed just under his pecks. He let out a soft hum letting me know he was enjoying the affection; but as my kisses got lower I felt his body tense and his skin began to form goosebumps. He knew what was coming and when I looked up at him between my bangs I could see a smile form on his face. It wasn't his usual toothy grin though. His lips were closed. His smile looked more like he was…appreciating what I was doing rather than him getting excited. So I got kinkier. I unbuttoned his pants and pulled them off (along with the boxers) winking at him as I threw them across the room. When I go back down I let my nails run down his sides as I lick around his member. Now I hear a small moan escape from his throat. Okay, I feel better now and a little more confident, so I continue to tease him only just barely touching him. I let the tip of my tongue brush along his shaft and my hands have begun to massage him. When I reach the tip I move my tongue in small circles around it only stimulating the very tip. Stan body starts to quiver now. I'm not sure if it's out of pleaser or frustration but he grunts and stiffens. His pelvis moves up pushing himself into my mouth now and I comply with what he's "asking" for.

The last month or maybe even longer I have notice Stan pushing away from me. He just doesn't act the way he used to. He doesn't look at me the way he once did. So in a desperate attempt to keep him interested I have actually studied on how to effectively please him. I have read many chapters on the art of blow jobs and I would like to believe that I have gotten very good at it. As I kissed and suckled on my boyfriend I tried to remember everything I read and when he finally gave out a moan and let himself…release, I knew I had done a good job. Stan was still a gentleman though, he always made sure to let me know when he was about to cum so that I could move out of the way. I always wondered though if he ever really wanted me to. Out of all the years we dated I never really knew if he thought it was sexy to cum on your partner. Call me weird for being curious but when you don't know if your pleasing your boyfriend in the bedroom department you start to wonder if you're doing things right.

We fooled around a little more but he was tired so we decided to snuggle naked under the sheets. I lied there enjoying his warmth but didn't want us to fall asleep yet. I start looking around the room and then to him. I study his rhythmic breathing and match it with my own. I see his cast now and place my hand on it gently, "Stan?"

"Hmmmm," Is all he says.

"What made you stop that night?"

"What?"

I look up at him, "When you broke your wrist…You just stopped playing the game…like you forgot where you were…," He opens his eyes and just stares at the ceiling, "Your face was…Well it looked shocked and forlorn all at the same time…What were you looking at?"

"Um…Well…I don't really know how to explain it." He turns his head away from me now and his breathing changes.

"What do you mean you don't know how to explain it? What did you see?"

He sighs and removes his arm from under me so his hand can run through his hair, "It sounds weird but…I…I was watching Kyle."

I pause at this. I sit up, "I don't follow."

He pinches his nose, "I know. I know. I don't really either." He lets his hand fall and he's starting at the ceiling again but it looks like he's imagining the scene, "He was asking Tess Neilson to prom and I don't know I've seen Kyle ask girls out but he never really put the "moves" on them…So I don't know…seeing him do it to Tess…weirded me out I guess."

"…You didn't look weirded out." Maybe I'm just an overly protective girlfriend. Maybe I was making stuff up in my head but now that I knew what he was looking at when I replayed what I saw on his face that night he…he looked, "You looked…like you caught him cheating or something."

"Wendy that's stupid."

"…You literally forgot you were in the middle of a football game, with the ball in hand might I add, because you saw your best friend hitting on a girl."

"…So."

"So maybe you need to figure out why?"

Stan's face turns to this worried face but then he forces a smile and half a chuckle, "I'm just afraid that when he gets a serious girlfriend he won't be able to balance it with friends like I can with you. That's all. I mean there's nothing wrong with that. If some guy came between you and Bebe you would be upset." He doesn't look at me though. He continues to stare at the ceiling.

"…Yeah I would be upset Stan…But…You didn't even know if she said yes. None of what you just said was even a factor yet."

"I guess I could just tell with the way she reacted to him…and the way he reacted back." That face was back. It was almost the same face he had that night. Now that I could look at it so close up, it made me scared. He had a face of longing.

"Stan?" I bring my knees up and hug them, "Are you sure you're not jealous?"

"Of what? I don't want Tess."

"I…I didn't mean it that way…I mean…did you want it…Well…you and Kyle are so close and stuff…and…"

Stan slowly sat up getting what I was trying to say, "Wendy. I love you." He places his hand on my cheek and I lean into it, "YOU. Do you understand?"

"Yeah I understand…it's just…you looked so sad," I suppressed tears from forming in my eyes, "That night, and just now, you looked…like I did every time I saw you with Julia." She was the only other girl that Stan liked enough to actually date besides me.

"Wendy…I think your reading WAY too much into this…I…I love You." Why did it sound like he was trying to convince himself? I just nodded and we lied back down. I shut my eyes and tried to sleep but after some time I knew sleep wasn't going to come that night. When I opened them I looked at Stan. He stared at nothing with a face of confusion and fear.

From that moment on I knew I had opened a door that neither of us really wanted open.

* * *

See? Feel bad for Wendy. This is hard for her too. :(

Please let me know what you think I LOVE feed back but I'm not getting much. :(

I wanna know what I need to work on to improve the story cuz I know I'm not a perfect writer.

Thank you and have a Wonderful Day! :)

~Rococo


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Corner:**

HELLO EVERYONE! *waves*

Well I should apologize for my absence. I was just not getting the will to write and writers block was being a bitch. I'm sorry But lucky for me and maybe for you I can't let this story go so I went back t it. Reread it…was a little embarrassed by my first chapters. So I went back and fixed them a little. The only problem I had with them was my grammar and some small plot holes. You can go one reading this chapter and not miss a thing really. I just changed a little bit a of dialoged so it flowed better. In any case! After I warmed up on that, I went straight to chappy 5 and here it is. :D I hope it was worth the wait.

* * *

Chapter 5:

Kyle's POV

**Normal**

Stan and I sat on my bed; it was late in the night and everyone else was in bed but us. I was sitting cross-legged hunched over slightly as I played an old Silent Hill game. Stan sat back against my headboard and just watched. He couldn't play because of his wrist so I could only hope he wasn't bored. I had offered to do something else but he told me he liked to watch. He said it was like an interactive horror movie and once he turned off the lights I saw what he meant. I was getting a little more anxious then normally when I heard Pyramid Head near but couldn't figure out where he was.

"Shit. Where the hell is he," I spin the game camera like mad trying to find him but before I even had a chance he basically came out of nowhere, making both Stan and I jump, and killed me, "Damn." I toss the controller on the floor and let the TV stay on its Game Over screen. It was the third time to soon that I had died and it was getting frustrating. It was as if Pyramid Head was getting bigger and stronger each time I played it.

"Are you done?" Stan asks me a little surprised.

"Yeah, I'm tired of dying." I lean back onto my elbows to stretch myself out. I let out a bit of a moan as I feel my muscles trying to move, "Oh, that feels good."

I bend my head back and push my chest out until I feel my back pop, "Oh yeah, I was hunched for way to long."

As I relax now I look over at Stan. He's just watching me with this blank face. The same face he gives when he has a secret or when we're playing cards.

"You have a horrible poker face," I tell him.

He sits straighter and rigid now, "What are talking about?"

I let my head go back and place my arm over my eyes, "Nothing. I'm just messing with you..."

Neither of us talk for a minute and I remember why Stan came over in the first place, "We need to get to studying," but I don't make a move to get up.

"Kyle?" Stan starts with such a week voice, "Can I…Can I talk to you about something?"

That's a first. I've never known Stan to feel like he had to ask to talk. I sit up and face him propping my knees up and resting my arms on them.

"Shoot, Dude. You know you can always talk to me."

Stan shifted and cradled his wrapped arm, a gesture that was slowly becoming a habit when he was in thought. It had started last Saturday and I had asked him if it was hurting but he said that wasn't it. He looked like he was trying to talk but he just couldn't find his voice. If it's one thing you have to understand about Stan is that he really is run by his emotions; so much so that he can even become self-centered at times. He means well though and it has only become an issue on a few occasions. In a way I like how sensitive he is. Maybe it's my nature to help those who are down, but when he gets like this he seems fragile (the cast doesn't help either) and all I want to do is bring his smile back. Stan tries to look everywhere but at me. He opens his mouth to say something but again he's at a loss for words.

"Stan is this about your parents?" His mother and father tend to get in large arguments about once a month. Mr. Marsh will do something stupid and Mrs. Marsh will get tired of cleaning up after him. They've even gotten separated a couple times but in the end they always figure out that they are mad **about** each other not mad **at** each other. "Dude, I know they've started arguing again but you know they always work it out. They love each other. Simple as that."

"That's not it Kyle…I…I'm worried about us."

"Us? Why us?"

"Kyle I…I don't know how to put this…I'm afraid there isn't any way to put this so you won't hate me in some way." He still won't look at me. He starts rubbing his bandaged arm.

"Stan that's ridiculous!" I exclsim as I sit up, "Even with all the dumb shit you've done I have never hated you. Disappointed? Yes. Angry? Of course! But never has Hate and you come together."

Stan just sits there, "…Yeah well…this is a little different. Kyle I don't know if our friendship can ever be the same as it was…I'm not sure if I want it to be."

"…What?" I was in shock now. My legs rest now in Indian-style and my arms are limp. Was he saying he didn't want to be friends anymore? He finally looks at me and he sees how his words sounded though my distraught face. He quickly moves to comfort me. He's on his knees now and his good hand is on my shoulder squeezing it, then he decides that's not enough and wraps me in his arm.

"Kyle I'm sorry that came out wrong. If I can I want to stay friends with you for as long as I live." He buries his face in the crook of my neck. I let my arms hold him back now. It…It felt good to just embrace.

"But I don't understand then…What do you mean you don't **want** our friendship?" I tighten my grip on him at the thought.

I feel his breath against my neck as he moved his had slightly to speak, "I don't want the way it is now. I would be content to keep what friendship I could with you, but I think I want more out of it."

"More? How can we get even more than we alre-" I was interrupted by a soft kiss on my neck. I wasn't sure if I was imagining things or not, but I just stayed still. Air escapes me. Stan pulled away just enough to be facing me. We still held each other, and we weren't moving away. I looked at his cobolt eyes and I saw something in them I have never actually seen before, pure…lust. He kisses my lips now and I am at a loss of what to do. I yell in my head to push him away but my body won't listen to me. My hands have a tighter grip on him by the time he pulls away.

"I…I think love you Kyle." The word love had always had a magical feel to it when he said it. Even when he was talking about Wendy, but when he said it to me his face was full of sadness and pain. The word sound just as depressing. As it should. We aren't supposed to be like this.

"No," I finally push him away. I stand up and walk to the middle of the room. I stand there refusing to face him now. I fold my arms not knowing what else to do with them, "No Stan this isn't right. I mean that can't be right. We are not like that, Stan. We are two straight guys that are just friends. We will get married to women and have kids like normal people. I-"

"What the hell is normal Kyle?" He interrupts me again.

"Just what I said Stan, normal people are straight. I don't want to be different. I don't want to have to fight against society to live happily and I don't have to because **this**," I face him now waving the air between us, "is not about to happen."

"So the only reason you have against us being a couple is that It's not 'normal'" He stands up now and his wares an angered face, "Kyle there are just as many gays and bis as there are straight people…maybe more!"

"There are not!"

"Kyle you're being ridiculous! Tell me you didn't feel something from that kiss."

"It was kinda one sided don't you think?" I only stand there.

"Fine, we'll try again." He then strides to me and takes my arm pulling me into another kiss. It was hard and passionate. He didn't let go of my arm as I stiffened. He pushed his tongue through my lips and I could feel it exploring my mouth. I…start to relax in it. My tongue then goes to his lips but only for a second. I realize where I am and what I'm doing so I give Stan a strong push away from me. He loses his grip on me and falls to the floor. I only hear the thump as I turn and start to walk to the door.

"Kyle don't run away from this!"

"I'm not running away from anything!"I open the door wildly but before I can make it through the doorway a clone of myself is standing in the way.

The clone takes hold of my shoulders, "And just what makes you think your anything 'Normal'…**WELL**!"

The last word jolted me awake. My head shot up and my hands reached out for anything grasp. I saw a pencil in my hand and my notes were scattered across my desk, a sheet even fell from my cheek. I was about to figure out where I was when a hand touches my shoulder. I jump and swerve towards the person touching me, "Christ. Tell someone you're in the room before you do that."

There's Stan holding my shoulder. He's wearing a simple T-shirt and raggy jeans. His hair is a little messy like he just ran his hand through it. He takes his hand away and he looks like he's trying not to laugh, "Sorry Dude."

I started to wake up a little now and as my head cleared I remembered my dream. I try not to show any discomfort and I think I did well since Stan didn't ask why I turn away from him…though why would he…I take my glasses off and rub my eyes, "What time is it…is it still Tuesday?"

Stan can't hold back his chuckle now and he pats me on the back. The touch makes me feel somewhat uneasy. He leans his butt against my desk, kinda half sitting on it, and looks at his watch, "Its 5:45 and yes it's still Tuesday," I can feel him staring at me, "Did you forget I was coming over for math tutoring?"

I moan as I straighten my back, "No…I just dozed off I guess."

"I'm sorry, does your back hurt?" I put back on my glasses and look at Stan, he's wearing a guilty face, "I've actually been here for about thirty minutes but I didn't want to wake you so I just let you sleep there while I did my homework. I should have woken you up, I'm sorry."

I look to the bed and I see his math book out and open. I only prayed I didn't talk in my sleep, "No it's okay. I probably needed the sleep." Dr. Bailey was right I need to take breaks or this happens. That's what happened, I was over working myself and so I ended up having crazy dreams. I lean back in my chair and I feel my back pops a few times, "I'm too young to feel this old…"I mumble. Stan chuckles and goes back to my bed.

"It's because you never stop. You are always doing something…when was the last time you had a full day of just no responsibilities. No homework, chores, or even having to go out to do something, just you not having to do a damn thing all day. I really had to think on that question. I thought for a good long minute.

But, "I don't remember…"

"Kyle you need to slow down…pick a day to do nothing."

"I don't know if I can handle doing nothing all day." Although if my stressed mind was going to make these ridiculous dreams I don't think I could handle not taking that advice.

I told Dr. Bailey about it the next day, "After dinner we studied until about ten, but I felt awkward the whole time…Clair I have had five sex dream about Stan in the last month, and they all freaked me out, but to be honest, this one freaked me out the most."

Clair Bailey had been standing at her bar that was in the farther left head corner of her office. It had Brandy and Crown Royal, but she just pored herself water in a nice glass that would have been used for the Crown. Today she had her hair slicked back and a head band with a cloth flower glued on it held her short hair in place. She was wearing a brown silk blouse and black baggy slacks that flowed like a skirt when she walked; and of course she wore heels. Bailey walked back over to me and sat down on the arm rest of my chair. She held her water in the hand farthest from me and her other hand she petted me head.

"Kyle I would love to help you the way a good doctor can," Her fingers went into my curls now but instead of continuing her motherly petting her held unto my hair and pulled on it just enough to make me bend my head in submission, "But you have to start telling me this stuff sooner." She lets go and stands in front of me now, "Kyle in this last month you have told me that you had one dream like that and we touched the subject a little but then you never brought it back up again in the other four times you had them. Kyle how am I supposed to help you if you don't let me? What is my job here?"

"Well I'm telling you now." I cross my legs loosely and slouch in my chair but I still grip the arm rests in frustration.

She sits down in her chair and sips at her water. When she sets her water down she takes her clipboard that was sitting on the same table. She then takes her reading glasses from her shirt and puts them on so she could read her notes and see where to write the new ones, "Kyle up 'til now I haven't really needed to be a doctor to you," she looks over her glasses to me, "Or so I thought. But now I think it's time take our talks seriously since you're starting to go through some changes and your hormones are getting you a little confused. I just wish you had told me about it a little sooner…and that's the last I will scold you on it."

I lean up in my chair now, "So you think it's just hormones?"

"I didn't say that was the whole issue. It's true that hormones can play a weird role in your dreams and sexual interests, but I want to explore all the options before I say for certain that's the whole problem." Bailey gets herself a little more comfortable and I know that means this conversation might take longer than I had hoped, "So you said you've had sex dreams before and that five of those dreams have been about Stan."

"…yeah."

"The dreams before last night, were they…detailed? Fast? Slow? Straight to the point?"

I sigh and try to remember, which was hard since I tried to block them out of my mind, "The others were…Well, kinda like a bad pornography."

"Do you watch pornography often?" when she sees I'm hesitant to answer she adds, "You're a teenage boy of course you do. Let me ask this: do you watch them with Stan? Maybe just once?"

"….Yeah, we look at nudey-mags together and when we first started watching actual porn we watched them together…but there were times that Kenny would bring them over and all four of us would watch them…But that was a long time ago. Before we** really** knew what we were watching them for."

"Okay. So back to your dreams then, it's safe to say that your other dreams were normal at first and then for some odd reason you would start to kiss and so on?"

I slouched in my chair again, "Yeah…or like he would come to me just for that. Like a 'booty call' or something."

"What are you normally doing before he comes into the picture?"

"Nothing really, watching TV, reading, studying, or just sitting there."

"Is Stan always the one to initiate sex?"

"…yeah."

The whole time she's writing stuff down I can't help but feel like a real patient now, like now I'm some crazy person starting to lose his mind. I pull at my collar.

"Is this making you feel uncomfortable Kyle?"

"No…Yes…I mean its okay. I'd rather get it over with." I look away from her though and I stare at the painting that has the falling earth…or is space falling into the earth…maybe the earth's gravity was pulling it in.

"Alright then, so would you say that these other dreams were more…graphic than your dream last night?"

I don't look away from the painting, "Yeah, in the other dreams we went pretty far."

"How far?" I feel my face grow hot, "We can stop Kyle, if you want."

"We um…you know…we did…oral."

"Ah. No farther than that?"

"No, but we got colorful on how we did it."

"What do you mean by 'colorful'?"

"Just different positions…"

"Okay, so even though these dream were far more advanced in the physical department, this last dream disturbed you more. Why?"

"He didn't just start doing things...He approached me about it and confessed to me. He told me he loved me and that I was 'running away' from it."

"What do you think he was saying when he told you you're running way?"

I think for a minute and as I stare at the burning stars in the painting I think of how Dream Stan had this growing desire burning in him, "I think he was saying I was running away from an 'Us' that we could be; like I was running away from the possibility that we could work...as couple."

"…Just asking Kyle, but do you think you **could** work as a couple?"

"No!" I quickly turn to her and I sit straight up clasping the ends of the arm rests, "We're two dudes!"

"Kyle there are many same sex couples out there."

"I'm not gay."

Clair holds her hands up in defense, "Fair enough." She has this smile as she writes something down. I know she would never laugh at me or make fun, but I still felt like she could. She crosses her legs as she asks, "Are there any other things that stand out in the dream to you?"

I look back at the painting and study the burning stars again, "…I was in the dream…like another me. I was trying to block myself from leaving Stan…I asked myself if I was normal."

"And what do you think is normal?"

I look back at her again, "You know, Husband, Wife, Kids. We go to work, kids go to school. Normal everyday life."

"So being straight is the only way to be normal?"

"I don't know…maybe."

"Well what if someone isn't happy being normal."

"Then they don't have to be. I just know that's what** I** want. That would make me happy. To be just a little more normal."

"Kyle...I want you to look up the definition of normal."

She wanted to make a point, "…Okay."

"The thing is Kyle, I can't tell you what this or any other of your dreams really mean. You can't say that one type of dream can mean the same thing for everyone. But there are some dreams that can mean similar things to many. Sex dreams are tricky. It can mean passion or desire. It can mean unwanted taboo, it can even mean something as simple as close friendships…And maybe Kyle, that's all they are. Just dreams that are expressing yours and Stan extremely close friendship. But don't take that as full truth Kyle. I might be wrong. You need to analyze last night's dream. I want you to write down everything you can remember from it and try to figure out what all of it can mean to you. You would be surprised what your mind can tell you through dreams."

I took what she said to heart and decided that maybe I needed to write down **all** of my dreams. It would be a good calming way to start the morning.

"Kyle, are you having passionate dreams about anyone else? Maybe you should look into that as well and compare.

I got a sheepish smile I'm sure, "Well, I did have a dream about this one girl…I don't even know her name."

"Kyle, dude!"Kenny back hands my arm to get my attention. He, Stan and I we're on our way to the public library after school. It was Thursday and I had just caught up with my school work so I wanted to continue my collage essay. The topic was: _What are your expectations of the future? _I was pretty much done with it but I wasn't too sure if I was really happy with it enough to send it off. Stan and Kenny were coming with me because I told them I would help them with their homework if I could quote them in my paper.

"Check it Kyle." Kenny grabs my shoulder and turns me to where he's looking, "It's your date!" He was right there she was sitting on the steps to the library with some friends. I couldn't hear their conversation but her laugh came out clear as a bell. I was attracted when I first saw her sure but for some reason seeing her today out in an everyday scene it make her all the more desirable. Damn…I think I hit crush level…haven't done that in some time.

"So you going to talk to her or what?" Kenny antagonized. He pushed me forward as encouragement. He makes a note to take my laptop so it won't be in the way. I look at them a little unsure. Kenny kept making a "go go" motion but Stan just stood there holding his cast. I looked to him as if to ask "Should I?".

He looked to her and then to me, a smile formed on his lips and he sighed as he asked me, "Dude what are you waiting for?"

I smiled and straightened my shoulders as I walked right up to my mystery date and her friends. Mid way I chilled it though by placing my hands in my pockets and walking a little slower. I wasn't in a rush to talk to her, we just happened to bump into each other. When I'm just a few steps from her she had noticed me so I announce myself with a crummy, "Hey…you."

She turns her head to the strange greeting an sees me standing there feeling awkward. He give a sweet giggle, "Hey you." Amazing she took my very words and made them sound almost sexy. She stands up and brushes the back end of her jeans as she walks closer to me. Her friends I guess took this a queue and left us alone. One of them mumbled to the other and they all laughed as they walked away.

"Am I some butt end of a joke here?" I felt the need to ask after that.

She gives a girlish chuckle now and placed her hands in the pockets of her burn orange sweater, "You don't have a lot of experience with a girls group of friends do you."

"Not really," I think of how to start a conversation, "You know there has to be a better way to greet you. You know some kind of…label maybe? Something your parents have even called since birth?"

"I think 'You' worked just fine." She bites her lip trying not to give away her big smile.

"No. No, what I was thinking was something like…oh what is it…it's something that I could call you so that you know I am talking to specifically you…maybe…" I pretended to think on it.

"Oh! You mean a name."

"Yes!" I point at her and then make big exclamations as if she helped me think of the answer to the meaning of life, "That is exactly what I mean!"

"Your not getting one."

I shake my head at her, "What would be so bad if I knew your name?"

"Nothing…I just like watching you work for it."

"Okay, okay, so how far do I have to go before you give me a name."

"Oh I can give you lots of names."

"**Your** name."

She crosses her arms now and looks to the sky as if to think on the subject…as if she didn't already have this planed out.

"Hmm…a pre-date."

"A what?"

"A pre-date to our prom date."

"I'll give you two pre-dates if you tell me your name now."

"Three"

"Two and an ice-cream."

"Scratch the extra pre-date and dress in costume with my to the prom."

"What?"

"The prom's theme is the 1800s. I want you to dress in the full get up, top hat, cane and all the layers, vests, and what not. You're not allowed to cheat and just wear a normal suit with tails like most of the guys will."

I would have thought she was setting ,e up for something if it hadn't been for the fact that she looked down trotted that people weren't going to dress up, "You voted for that theme I take it?"

"Yeah…and I'm really excited about it."

"Okay. I'll go all out."

She shocked me when she held her hands together and seemed as if she was about to jump out of her skin with joy.

"Oh Kyle, thank you! I have always wanted to go to a ball and I fear this is as close as I'm going to get. Thank you much."

Yup cupid got me. I couldn't help but feel warm that I was making her this happy. She almost leaps into my arms with excitement and we stood there in an embrace. She pulls away to see my face and she has a slight blush as she realized what she did, "So much for my calm, cool, mystery vibe I was going for."

"If it makes you feel better, your still a mystery."

She chuckles and brushes her hair from her face as she steps back and out of my arms. She then looks to me and her blush darkens just a bit but it's still hard to see in her dark skin. She stuffs her hands back in her pockets, "Danny…My name is Danny."

"It's a pleaser to meet you Danny. Are you free tonight?"

"Actually no," she laughs, "I have piano lessons and then I have a bunch of homework that's due tomorrow…But…how 'bout tomorrow? After school we can look for your tux online together and after that you can get me that ice-cream."

"Okay, sounds like a date."

"Pre-date." She notes as she starts walking away, "Meet me at the flag pole after school."

"Will do."

"See, you!" She calls as she turns and heads off.

"…See you."

"What is this lure you have on the chicks Dude?" Kenny comes up behind me and clamps my shoulder, "That was ballin' my friend." He hands me my laptop and I sling it over my shoulder.

Stan came up close behind, "What did you do to make her so happy?"

"I just agreed to dress up in the correct suit for prom. I have to wear an 1800's tux." I answered as I started up the stairs of the library.

Stan slouched, "I forgot all about it being a themed dance."

"They let you in even if you're not dressed up?" Kenny asked.

"I don't think they'll worry too much about it as long as you wear a nice shirt and slacks. You can borrow something of mine if you need to."

Kenny doesn't say if he will or won't but I'm sure that he'll come knocking on my door once prom night hits. He knows I'm just trying to help. Sometimes I fear I'm just throwing his money issues in his face but he and I both know better than that. I'm just the one that's kinda been there for him on it.

We head into the library and set up on a table where I can work on my paper but still look over their work as well. We work well that way for about an hour but when it hit about five O'clock Kenny excuses himself to go home saying he had to go start dinner for Karen. Sometimes I worried Kenny had too much depending on him but he would never let me know if I was right.

"Kyle? Can you help me with this?" Stan was trying to write a paper on the importance on recycling. In writing Stan was very good at getting a point across so much so that he could easily take a 100 page paper I write and condense it into a simple paragraph. It's a great trait but he has a hard time writing paper that meet the length qualifications for class, "I feel like I'm just repeating the same shit over again."

"Well you just have to fancy up your sentences a bit. Here," I take his paper and start making notes for him.

"Kyle?" Stan sat next to me rubbing his cast again."

"Are you sure your wrist isn't hurting you?" I ask noting his forming habit.

Stan let go of his slanged cast and sits back in his chair. His deep blue eyes look kind of sad and unsure as they shift away from me. He rubs the back of his neck as he sighs, "No…No, its fine…Kyle?…I'm not so sure Wendy and I are going to work out."

* * *

Okay so I hope this chapter was a good come back. I apologize again for being gone for so long. D8 I hope everyone can like Danny even though she's a bit of an obstacle for the Style love. She really is a fun character. :3

Welp let me know what you think.

Thank you and have a Wonderful Day! :)

~Rococo


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Notes: So I think it has been a full year or maybe two since I have sat down and just started writing. Honestly I'm not sure what made me pick it back up, but I'm really glad that I did. I do love this story and looking back at the comments I feel really bad for dropping a story that some people were actually enjoying. Or they just didn't wan to hurt my feeling but oh well I feel obligated to them for either reason! I'm not saying I am going to do better at updates but I'm sure as hell going to try! Since it's been so long I'm sure its awful so don't be to hard on me but I would still love to hear what I could do to make my writing better. :)

* * *

Chapter six:

Stan's POV

**My Own Betrayal  
**

"I just don't think Wendy and I are meant to be, you know?" It just fell out of my mouth. I didn't want to start this conversation. I didn't want to even admit that Wendy and I were on the rocks...Because...Because if I started to admit that...then what's stopping me from admitting the whole issue on why? And Kyle was the last person I wanted to talk to about this. How am I supposed to tell him that I may be harboring feelings for him. Feelings that two guys normally don't have. I shouldn't say that. There are plenty of gays out there, but I don't think I'm one of them. Am I bi? Or is it just Kyle that makes me feel this way? Talking to him about liking other guys would be one thing but telling him that it was HIM that I liked...I don't think it would work out to well.

I could tell he was getting inpatient. He held an annoyed look that was just trying to hide his worry. He hated showing any kind of soft side. I took a deep breath as I set my attention to the pencil in my hands. I twirled it slowly as I thought of my next move.

"Kyle, how many times have Wendy and I broken up?" I still didn't know where I was going with this.

Kyle went back to typing on his laptop as he spoke, "To many to count, Dude. So I'm going to say what I always say. You and Wendy are great friends, you look good together, but that doesn't mean that you work well as a couple. You have been using your relationship with her as a crutch so you don't have to venture out into a singles world."

I sat with a sulk, "You never told me I've used her as a crutch before."

"Oh," He never stopped his typing on his laptop, "I always thought it though."

I went rigid. I couldn't believe he was being so blunt with this! "Some damn friend your being," I blurt as I start collecting my things with my good arm.

And my anger must have been contagious since he flares now too, "WELL-" He catches himself about to yell. He looks around the library as he whispers harshly, "Well what do you expect Stan. You come to me with this same damn problem every other month. Oh kyle, I'm not happy. Oh kyle I don't think she loves me. Oh Kyle she nags me too much. Kyle I fucking hate the way she clips her toenails! I don't give a fuck anymore Stan. You don't love her. You need to break up with her and you need to do it before you drive you, her, and me to the damn looney bend!"

I didn't know what to say. By now he was loud enough to a normal voice but that was practically yelling for the scenario we were in. I wanted to really yell though. I felt betrayed. I came to him for help. Of all the people in this world I thought he would at least listen. I just wanted to scream "Fuck You!" and let people gawk as I stormed out but I couldn't move my lips I couldn't make a sound. I just stood there like an idiot letting the air become awkward. I shake as I slowly finish packing my books. I don't even know why I'm shaking.

Kyle ran his hand through his orange hair, and I'm sickened at the thought that I still want to know if it's as soft as it looks.

"Stan...I'm sorry. I-" I cut him off.

"Save it. I just want to be mad at you right now."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means that no matter what you say right now I'm going to be mad. So save it."

"Fine whatever. I'm not sorry then. You needed to hear it anyway."

Kyle goes back to his report as I make my way out of the library.

I fumed as I made the way home not truly wanting to know just why I got myself so worked up. My pace started to slow and I let my backpack fall from my shoulder just letting it drag behind me. I soon came to a stop as a cold rain started to fall. I scoffed at the odd way weather can match your emotions; and depending how you want to take it, it can either be God feeling sorry for you or him just making fun. I looked up at the sky dropping the strap to my backpack and just let my arm raise a little, even my cased arm tried to feel the rain and I closed my eyes. It was like a trance feeling the cold water run over me, stinging me with every drop. What was I doing? What am I so upset about? I open my eyes to see the clouds spill their contents on me. The curls in the clouds remind me Kyle's hair and I find myself thinking about what it would feel like in my hands. I shake my head and pick up my backpack again making a run for it to my house for shelter from the rain and from my thoughts.

I went straight to my room and shut the door with a bang louder then I had wanted. Moments later I hear foots steps and my mother softly knocking on my door, "Stanly? Honey, are you okay?"

By this point I had already flopped onto my bed and buried my face in my pillow. I ignored the pain in my wrist from landing on it and let out a muffled responds to my mother, "I'm fine, just go away." I hear mumbling from her and now my father. He soon came in and just before he closes the door behind him I hear him whisper to my mother, "It's boy stuff. Let me handle it." I soon feel his weight on the end of the bed,"Stan, I know your young and your going through a lot of stuff right now. Now's the time in a young mans life that he truly starts to figure out who he is."

I sigh and let head rest to the side so that I can tilt my head to see him. He must have picked up my football; he was slowly turning it in his hands as he spoke. He wouldn't look at me though, only to the ball as if he was going to give this more than likely heart to heart to the it rather then me.

"It's not easy for anyone your age," He continues and I'm not quite sure where he's going with this, "Your going to go through a lot of tests and trails before your school days are over and even though I know I don't say it often enough..."He looks at me now and places a hand on my back, "I'm proud of you son."

I lay there for a moment starring up at what I guess he things is an emotional face, it just looked twisted up to me. He was obviously waiting for me to say something heart felt too. We hug. We go on about our business. But I just can't bring myself to do it unless I know what the hell he's talking about. I sit myself up and scoot facing him, "What do you think I'm upset about?"

"Well Stan I know it has been hard on you since you broke your wrist and cost us the game last week. But I wanted you to know that your mother and I and I'm sure the school are just happy that your okay and that you can still play next season."

I stare at him for another good minute, "This has nothing to do with football."

"Well I know it doesn't seem like it it is...But I know that's the root of the problem."

"The root of what problem Dad?!"

"Look I know you think your old man is out of the loop," He uses quotation gesture for this and I feel my eyes roll back into my head in annoyance, "But I've been watching you and Wendy, and I know you are having some problems."

I almost panic, not knowing what all he has got going in his head. When did he get so perceptive?! "Um...I mean, I don't think..." Dammit I'm stumbling.

"It's okay Stan. We all can have these issues from time to time."

"Huh? I mean, how does this all tie with my football?"

"Every man can feel a little less acquitted after having a spill like that; and a cast does not help with the ego either. So if your feeling a little...you know."

I slowly shake my head.

"You **know**...less confident in the bed room?"

"OH MY GOD! DAD! NO!" I can't help but fall into hand and end up pinching my nose as if that will help me just disappear from this whole scenario.

"Oh come on Stan. We can talk about this. I'm your father."

"That''s exactly why we shouldn't be talking about this."

"Stan it is okay! Lots of guys can't get it up."

I groan to show my discomfort, and even though i dont want to be apart of this conversation I can't help but stick up for myself, "I can get up just fine, now please leave."

"I know you want to ignore the problem Stan, but it is not going to go away just because you want it to."

"Like you and this conversation."

"If you don't get a handle on this situation now, then you and Wendy are going to be having a wonderful evening, everything is in place, the kids are in bed and and there you are with your sleepy joe just hanging there."

I shake my head in disbelief, "We're...not even talking about me anymore are we."

My dad scoffs like he does when he's caught in a lie, "Of course this is about you Stan. Just know...that you are not alone."

"Yeah, but you are." I get up and head out of my room. As I walk down the stairs my mother passes me with a load of laundry.

"Stan, dinner will be ready soon, you feeling any better?"

"Yeah sure." I make it about two more stairs before I had to pipe back up, "You know, there's medicine for Dad's "Sleepy Joe"

My mother goes red in the face. I'm not sure if it embarrassment or anger. probably both and she starts to storm down the hall way. The last thing I hear before I leave the house is her shouting at him for giving away their personal life when he was suppose to be helping me. In a way I guess he did. He got my mind off things for a minute and not only that somewhere in there was some good advice. I walk down the sidewalk with no destination in mind as I think. Boys my age are going through a lot of junk. What with school and hormones and stress of everyday home life. And maybe I am all mixed up from breaking my wrist. I can't please Wendy like I know I could if I had both arms; and that's why I'm thinking we are on the rocks right? Our sexy mojo is all out of whack because I'm all out of whacks. I should apologize to her for this funk I've been in. I know its hard on her too.

I kick a pebble just before I look up and see where I'm at. Just two houses away from Kyle's. And that's when I'm reminded that it's not just a problem with low confidence...I can't blame it all on that when I'm harboring these weird feelings for another...another boy.

"Hey." I jump at the voice behind me. I turn face and see the very boy I was thinking about standing there with a questioned look, "Where you coming over?"

"Uh..Not really I was just going for a walk." It wasn't a lie but I still felt like the word guilty was stamped on me face as I spoke to him.

"Well I'm glad I ran into," He refitted the strap to his book bag on his shoulder. He must have been coming home from the library. I had forgotten he walked today. He would do that from time to time to save on gas. He continued, "I'm...I'm sorry for being such a prick to you before. You were going to me for support and I guess I over reacted."

As he stood there trying to figure out what to say next I couldn't help but melt at the way he was able to just apologize like that. I know he thinks he's in the right but he's still coming to me to make sure we're okay. I kick the ground staring at me feet having to look away as I spoke, "It's okay, Dude. I'm...You were right. I come to you with every little problem i have with Wendy and I should use you like that."

"No, Stan it's okay. I don't mind. I like being the one you go to."

I look up at him through my bangs and cradle my wrist. It doesn't hurt but it seems like every time I talk to Kyle it tingles like little needle pricks are attacking under the cast, "Really?"

Kyle smiles and walks up to me. As he turns me towards his house he leaves his arm around my shoulder. I little awkward because of our height difference but it makes me feel better all the same. As we start to walk he answers me, "Dude. I want you to come to me no matter what. Who else are you going to trust?"

I use this has an opportunity to test me boundaries," Okay but what if I had a problem with you?"

"Wait are we still fighting about something?"

"No! But just to say hypothetically, There is something about you that bugs the shit out of me and I feel like if I tell you, you'll get mad and we wont be friends anymore. Do I talk to you or stay quiet?"

"What are we still in middle school? Talk to me. There's nothing that would keep me from being your friend, man. The only way we will stop talking is when one of dies of old age."

I chuckle, "**Very** old age I hope."

"Of course."

I ended up eating dinner at Kyle's and after a few texts emails exchanged between my mother and I, I has my report on file so Kyle could finish helping me get through it. It was like normal again. We joked and laughed just like we always have. I couldn't for the life of me think of why I was so upset. That is; until Kyle brought his simi-date with the girl from the library. He told me her name was Danny and every time I let the name slip from my tongue I felt sick. He liked her without even really knowing her. It wasn't often that Kyle was able to fall so quickly, he was always to level headed for that. But hell, why wouldn't he? She looked cute enough. I let the thoughts leave my min before it got weird. After the conversation passed it felt normal again and before I knew it I had spent the night.

It had been a fairly normal day at school the next day. Kyle helped me to all my classes as the more I let myself the more I liked having him walk with me and pamper me the way he was. It made me want to start opening doors for him and carry his books for a change though. The only thing that would have made it better was if I didn't have give him advice on how to behave with Danny after school. I would be happy to help him out with any other problem...just not girl advice. I do t think I could take it if he ended up dating her because I told him the right moves. I would purposely tell him the wrong thing to do either though.

In order to keep my mind off of Kyle I decide to hang out with Wendy. It would good for us to spend some time together and I'm sure she would appreciate a surprise date. She's always saying I need to be more spontaneous. When the last bell rings, and I choke out a "good luck" to Kyle, I make my way to Wendy's locker. When I get there I see Bebe at her locker but Wendy isn't at her own.

"Hey Stan. Wendy already left."

"Already? Was she in a hurry or something?" I couldn't think of any after school activity she had planed.

"Not really," She grew a devilish smile and placed a hand her hip, "But unless you count chasing after Kenny being in a hurry."

"Chasing?"

"As soon as she saw him she shut her locker and dashed after him." Bebe leaned forward now as if she wanted this remark to be private, "You better watch out Stan. Kenny has been known to go after the taken girls. He likes the challenge."She crinkled her nose on the last word as if she were being cute.

I scowl and start walking past but not before I made the comment, "Oh you mean like how he got you to cheat on Clyde, right?" Her playful face turned into pure anger before she slammed her locker and turned on her heel in the opposite direction. She knew I knew about it, but technically I wasn't suppose to. They're still dating and she doesn't want me to go blabbing. It's her own fault though. She knew what she was doing when she went into the boy shower room. The way Kenny tells it, she was the one who caught him in the shower and started the whole thing and to be honesty I believe his story over hers. So it wasn't her saying Wendy was going after Kenny that made me mad but that she was bad mouthing Kenny that pissed me off. Yeah he knew she was with Clyde but hell who would blame the guy.

I make my way to the school parking lot hoping to catch her before she gets in her car. Just as I was stepping into the pavement I see Wendy leaning on her silver Chevy and Kenny standing in front of her. The body language was odd but not alarming. She head was down but I could tell she was looking up at him through her bangs as he was rubbing his neck and looking away. I guess to avoid her seeing his face he starts to turn his head to let his eye wonder but then he sees me and our eyes met. Before I can make to them, he says a quick good by to Wendy and walks off. I don't bother to call for him since I really don't have much to say. instead I just walk up to my girl, "What was that all about?" My voice sounded harsher then I think I meant it to.

"Chill jealous butt. We were just talking." She teased as she wrapped her arms around my waist and tilted her head up for a kiss.

I comply but after pout, "I'm not jealous. Just concerned."

"Oh? 'bout what?"

"You finding out I'm not that great a catch."

"What you thing Kenny would suit me better?"

I sigh and let out the truth, "Anyone would be a better suit for you then me."

"Hey, now don't say that. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else but you." She gives me another kiss to reassure me but I feel myself just fall into a deeper depression, "Come on, let's go to my house. My parents aren't home."

I let my head rest on her shoulder, "Do you mind if we just cuddle?" God I must sound like a girl.

"Of course Baby."

We did just that. No T.V. or music, just us laying on her bed with my head on her chest. I almost fell asleep a few times listening to her heart beat. This was my go to spot when ever I felt low. No matter what the issue I love to come to this place. Rest my head on the person I love's chest and listen to the rythems of their heart. It was one of the main reasons I broke up with Julia. When I did this with her it just didn't feel right; like her heart beat was a song I couldn't get into...I did this with Kyle once. When we were younger and my parents were treating to divorce each other again. I broke down in front of Kyle about it not wanting to move again and having to keep going threw this bull shit they put me through all the time. He took me in his arms and cradled me. After I had calmed down I laid there listening to his hear for hours and he calmly waited until I was okay to move again. Remembering made me feel lonely now, even with Wendy here beside me, "I'm sorry I'm being so weird lately." I blurt out breaking the silence between us.

She pets my head as she responds, "Your not being weird, your okay."

I quickly sit up startling her for a moment, "NO, I have been weird. Ever since I broke my wrist I have just been...Off."

She sighs and sits up herself now and we sit on her bed across from one another. She takes my good hand in both of hers and her and her almost golden brown eyes meet with my blue, "Baby, I think your just over thinking things and maybe some of it is my fault. I think I may have put something in your head I shouldn't have."

"What do you mean?"

"When we were talking about your last game a wail back I said some things to you that were just me being paranoid. I'm sorry Stan. I wasn't trying ot mess you up or anything." She leaned over and hugged me being careful not to harm my in cased arm.

Not that I wanted to blame her or anything but I had to admit that I didn't really start noticing these strange thoughts about Kyle until she said something about it that night. I could have continued ignoring all of this until she had to bring it up. So if that were the case, I could just keep ignoring all these odd thoughts, right? They're more then likely hormone induced and I'm sure him and Danny will start dating soon so I can use that to clear my head from all of this too. The more I thought about it now the more I realized I was going to be okay. This will pass and I can go on without screwing everything up for myself.

We cuddled some more and played around in bed for a little while before I had to leave. Her parents were going to be home soon and I wasn't to be caught there when they weren't. The trip home wasn't bad. I could feel a burden being lifted when the wind went through me. I imagined it taking all of my cares and frustrations far over the mountains and away from the whole town. I could clearly see in my mind all my troubles being whisked away to the oceans and drowning never to be seen or heard from again, and it felt good. Empowering even. I had finally concurred this funk I've been in. I entered my home with a straight back and almost a skip in my step. I ate dinner with my family and conversed with them as if nothing had been troubling me only a few hours ago. Homework was a breeze now that my stress was gone and I even had time for a little T.V. before bed. I thought to myself how silly I had been, letting such strange thought rule over me.

After fighting to get my clothes off with just one arm. I settled myself into bed waring only my boxer shorts. Not long after I heard my phone vibrating on the night stand. When I look to see who it was I freeze in mid reach. Kyle's name flashes over the screen and with each blink of his name each emotion with every freakish thought I had had came flooding back. My stomach feels sick but I answer trying to make my voice sound tired, "ello?"

"Stan? Did I wake you?" His voice was clear and crisp, it was as if I could feel his breath on my ear.

"Um...no I was just about to go to bed."

"Oh, well I can let you go if you want."

"No," I said to quickly, "No, it's okay. I'm awake now." I should have just let him hang up.

"Good, So I'm really thinking things will work out with this chick."

Goodie, "Oh yeah? Well that's good to hear man."

"Yeah, I was a little skeptical at first about this chick, but I have to say she's a really neat person to hang out with. She actually can be kinda cute.-" He just continued like this, repeating things that he liked about her. The way she talked and smiled and anything else that he found "cute" or "adorable" about her. I felt like the name Danny was stuck on the tip of his tongue. I wanted to get rid of it. Scrape the forbidden name from his lip and mouth so he could never say it again. I laid on my back listening to him chatter on and on about this girl I had no care to kniw about, and without meaning to, let my mind wonder to that thought. The image of me using my own tongue and teeth to erase Danny's name from his vocabulary. My mouth against his. Replacing her name with my own. The more I hear him talk the more I envision teaching him the right words with physical actions between hot breaths and touching lips. In my mind I begin to spell out my name with my tongue tangled with his. With each syllable spoken from him a fantasy lesson runs through my head. I must have been to quite because Kyle asked if I was okay. I couldn't fully answer him and a small "um" was all I could muster. Then finally, I hear it.

"Stan?" There it was. My name drenched in his voice. I shudder and my hand runs through my hair as I realize this destructive path my thoughts were going.

"Hey, are you okay?" his voice chimes again threw the phone. As if a door was kicked down my mind was open to the thought of how stimulating his voice can really be for me," If your tiered I can let you go."

"No," I answered to quickly," No, I'm fine. I'm listening."

He didn't seem convinced but he continued anyway buy now the conversation had transferred to his basket ball practice. I could no longer hear words but just his simple sounds. Before I could tell what was happening a wave of pleasure and a small grunt came from my throat.

"Stan? Dude, you sure your okay?"

My eyes shot open as I realized what I had just done. "I-I Have to go!"I quickly say into the phone that was tucked between my ear and the pillow. I sit up with a jolt making the phone fall to the floor. I take my hand from underneath my boxers and I truly couldn't remember at what point I had put it there. I felt sick as I saw the mess left on my hand. I felt as if I had just killed a man and the bloody evidence was everywhere. No, No what I did was worse. I was suppose to be having a harmless phone chat with my best friend and some how or another it turned into me...into me m-masturbating to his voice. I remembered now I hadn't actually hung up the phone but when I looked down it seemed that Kyle had already beat me to it. Thank God. I'm able to turn my attention back at the ill making issue at hand now. I try to clean myself up as best as possible but with out a readied tissue box I was forced to use my sheets and promise myself to wash them the next day.

I laid there trying to ignore what had just accord. It was hard to tell at first if I was successful or not. All I could do was stare are the ceiling; hours came by and went as my mind slowly ticked over the idea of me liking Kyle. Was I even sexually attracted to him? My imitate response was no, but I couldn't ignore my fantasy of practically shoving my tongue down his thought that I had had that very night. I forced my eyes shut as I grumbled to myself. Telling myself to just go to sleep was my only salvation. I repeated the word "sleep" in my head as if it were a chant or spell, it didn't seem to work until finally sleep came and relieved me of my awkward thoughts. Just before it took me though, the last thing that had scanned across my mind was Wendy and how much I do in fact love her. I couldn't let what ever this is that's effecting me hurt her or anyone else.

No one will have to know.

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Authors Notes: Okay No judging on that last part! Honestly I know someone that this had happened to them. It's such an awkward and yet self truthful moment I had to put it in here for Stan. Anyway. I hope that this was a decent come back into the writing world. Please leave your comment on how I can better this story. But please be constructive and not destructive.

Have a wonderful day everyone!


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Notes: Okay so Kenny is back and I hope that this chapter won't be quite as depressing as his last. But lets face it, Kenny lives a life that no one should have to and he's a bit beaten down by it.

* * *

Chapter 7

Kenny's POV

**Things to Want and Things to Need**

"You...You can always talk to me..."

It had happened just the other day at her car. She had stumbled as she said it...But the way she looked up at me through her bangs, just the way her eyes had set on mine, I knew she meant it whole heartily. Wendy and I never saw eye to eye on many Many things, but I could still honestly say she was the kindest and most caring person I had ever met. She went out of her way to help the needy and volunteer at charities, not for her college resumes, but because she wanted to make the difference. Now she's reached out to me. Where I saw her as her as a person that was going to go places and had the power to make our world a better place, she saw me as poor, and in need of help in order to survive. Yes, it meant I was cared for, but it was a disheartening and soul crushing kind of caring. She pitied me. It was my own fault. Ever since she had shared the bench with me that one sunrise we watched together, I had noticed she was looking at me differently. I must of said too much. I let the wall I so obsessively build around me crack and she saw something in me that must have screamed for help...Help has become a word I can no longer say outright. I'm not saying that I don't need help...I'm saying that no one can saving me from this prison. Not even the girl I even find to seem so invincible.

It had been about two weeks since the incident with my father. Things have gone quiet in the McCormick home since then but not without concerning events. He had gone missing for a good two days. On the third day, I had just finished telling my mother not to file a missing persons report and that we were better off without him, when he came through the front door. He stayed in the doorway when our eyes locked. It felt like an old western the way we stood staring each other down. As he took two steps in the house I could have sworn I heard spurs and the end of his boots.

"Can't purvide fur my family? That what you said, Boey?" He asked in his heavy white trash accent. I only stared into his blood-shot eyes as he threw down a large wad of bills onto the coffee table.

"My Lord," My mother says as she falls onto the coach. She picks up some of the money to inspect the bills, "Most a these are hundreds."

"Don't want your drug money in my house." I state still glaring at him as his face twists.

"THIS AN'T YUR HOUSE! THIS IS MY HOUSE AN' I WILL FINANCE IT HOW EVER I DAMN WELL PLEASE!" He walks past me with a shoulder bump and heads into the kitchen, " 'Sides, it an't no drug money."

My mother and I watch him as he grabs a Blue Ribbon beer from the fridge; a drink that is always well stocked in the McCormick home. I grimace as he opens the can with his teeth and my face can no longer hide its disgust when he comes and sits on the couch hand half way down his pants. It wasn't his action that make me sick but that I know when I'm comfortable and not thinking about it I sit in the same manner. The little things that remind me I'm his son always make me want to vomit a little in my mouth. As he turns on the T.V. He looks at both of us, "What the hell ya lookin' at?"

My mother just smiles and pats his leg and says in her sweetest raspy voice, "It's good ta have ya home. I was worried."

He smiled and placed two cigarettes to his lips lighting both on them. He hands one to her and she gladly excepts it like some kind of peace-pipe. She curls up beside him and watches T.V. as if the last few days never even happened. All I could do was shake my head and go to my room; other wise I think I would have just killed the poor bastard.

Yeah, it had been quiet since then but I was still watching. I didn't like not knowing where the money came from and I didn't like how much there was. But it allowed us to pay back some late fees and have everything working for now. I talked myself into thinking it was okay. He earned it doing yard work or something to those lines. I didn't like that money but we couldn't afford to question it. Summer was coming up soon and if I could play my cards right I could get a job. If I had it my way I would be working now and sometimes I can pick up a small one to two day job during the weekend. Unfortunately when I had turned fourteen I told my mother that I was going to quit school and find work to help around the house. She was more than angry with me for it and had bound to a promise that I would finish high school and that I was to only work during the summer. There were days I wondered if it would just be easier to go for a G.E.D but she always spoke about seeing me walk across that stage and being able to say to the whole damn town "That's my boy!". I did want to make her proud of me; and I suppose that's why I do stay in school instead of trying to find work.

So that's why today I find myself sitting in the floor of my bedroom doing homework. It was math. Not one of my favorite subjects. Oddly enough I was decent at it I just found it boring. I preferred science and did much better in those classes. To drown out the sound of a recent bicker between my parents I had an old Simon and Garfunkel tape playing in a small boombox that Kyle had given me one day when he was cleaning out his room for his mother's yard sale. That very day on my way home from his house I found the cassette on the sidewalk. Fate I like to think. It was unmarked at the time and I'm glad it was. I'm not sure I would have played it if I had known it was an old hippie band from the 60's. Honestly this tape had opened a whole world of music to me. George Harrison, John Denver, The Animals, there were so many great musicians back then. They were my escape from this life of horrors. They sang of love, peace, and pain as if it was all one. It was nice to hear that with all these terrible things around me meant that I was to experience the same amount of joy. Simon and Garfunkel were the best at making me feel better about the world. Even when they sang of sadness it makes me feel glad that I can feel sad at all. They reminded me that it is needed to feel all the emotions of life to truly live. And that's not really something I'm good at.

It was one of our parents smaller arguments but it must of bothered Karen because she peeked her head in with what seemed like a small coo from a dove, "Kenny?"

I look up from my Algebra2 book with a smile. Despite my love for my music and how it can help me through my moods no voice sounded sweeter than hers. It could always place me at a peace of mind. When times were low, hearing her tell me things will be okay was like hearing the first songbird of the year after a long hard winter, "What's up, Wren?"

She smiled back and walked in wearing one of my old T-shirts and a pair of cotton shorts for her as pajamas. She came and sat in my lap without a word and picked up my book trying to understand what I was to do with all those numbers, "How do you get this stuff?"

I chuckle, "Well, I don't half the time. I normally have to sit on it for a while before it clicks."

She makes a small "hmm" and tilts the book to it's side as if it would make better sense that way, "It's 'cuz your so smart you can understand it."

"I'm not smart."

"You **are** smart. You make good grades and your going to get out of here. Your going to find your callin' just like Kevin and fly away." She set the book down and placed my arms around her waist and hugged them. It was something we had done since we were little. I would hold her like this until the fighting calmed down. There were even times she would come sit with me like this when she had a bad dream and I would rock her until she felt better. I never have the heart to tell her she's getting to old for this, but the day will come when she wont need me anymore and I think I will miss these moments, "I was so happy for him when he was excepted in the army. I hope he's doing okay."

"I'm sure he's fine. Living off his government wages and never looking back." I snort back.

"Don't say it like that. He wasn't happy here."

"And we are?!"

"No, but you'll leave too. You'll find your ticket and never look back too, and don't say you wont."

It wasn't somthing I had planed, not until I knew she could find a way out anyway, "What about you? What will your ticket be?"

She made a small laugh, "Pregnancy probably. I'll end up like mom. I'll be out of my old broken home and into another one."

"Karen!" I whip her out of my lap and sit her in front of me holding her shoulders tight, "Don't ever let me hear those words out a yur mouth! You have just as much a right as any one to have a good life! You are smart and you are beautiful. Don't ever forget it."

She smiles and hesitates before she asks,"You really think I'm pretty?"

I sighed at her adolescence about her looks, "Inside an out. And don't worry. I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm here for you and Mom. I'm not going to turn my back on you like Kevin did."

Her smile fades and she nods as she stands up walking to the door. She stood there in the door way about to close it behind her when she spoke, "That's nice and all...But I really wish you would."

I sighed at the closed door and wasn't sure what to do about a comment like that. Homework wasn't going to happen; I was to put off for that right now. I stand up taking a pack of cigarettes out of my hoodie pocket and sit on my bed by the window. The unlit stick dangled from my mouth as I opened the window so the smoke had a place to go. After it was lit and I had a few good puffs out of it. I crossed my arms and let my chin rest on them as the cigarette rested between my lips. I moved it up and down as I gazed up at the stars. One shone brightly forcing me to pay all my attention to it rather than the sky as a whole. "I'm damned if do or don't, is that it?" I ask the star humoring the thought of it answering me back.

The next day before the first sun ray could touch the small town of South Park I made my way to my usual bench at Stark's Pond. It was always so peaceful here. After but a short time the sun began to rise. I took a long drag at my smoke as I watched the lights dance across the water, becoming dawn.

"You'll miss school if you don't hurry." I didn't have to turn around to know who was speaking. Wendy rested her crossed arms against to the back of the bench making her head right beside mine.

I exhale, "I don't think I'm going today."

I don't look at her but I'm sure her eyebrows grew together at my remark, "Why?"

"Can't a guy just have a break from time to time?"

"I guess but I don't see what kind of break you could have. You can't go home or your parents would know you skipped; and you couldn't go to any of the shops or arcades because all the adults know each other around here."

"Well you just described everything I wanna escape from so that's really no problem."

"So where will you go?"

I shrugged, with no plan in particular I didn't really have an answer for her.

There was a long silence between us. The sun had finally made it's lazy rise and could be seen just above the mountains. It must have gotten suffocating for her because she broke the calm morning with, "I'm worried about you."

I sighed and let my head roll to look at her. We were face to face and I had to ignore the pitiful expression she held, "Wendy, I don't know what I said to you the other day to get me on your soul saving list, but I'm fine."

She stood up straight now but she didn't make any moves like she was going to walk away or come sit down, "Wendy I'm not mad."

"I know."

"Then what are you pouting about?"

Color went to her cheeks and her arms crossed just under her chest causing her bust to push out, "I am **not **pouting!"

I chuckle and look back at the water, "Sure seems like you are."

"It just seems like you haven't been acting like your normal self these last couple weeks...Uge!" I jump at her loud grunt and watch her sit on the bench with a quick thud. I start to open my mouth but she cuts me off, "It's like no one is acting right! You, Stan, it's like everyone is going screwy."

"Well I doubt two people counts as everyone."

"No...But it's still two people I count on to be who they are."

"I see that with Stan, with him bein' your boyfriend and all, but what's so important about me behavn' right?" I place an arm on the back of the bench behind her so that I could turn and see her face better.

She sat with her elbows on her knees and her chin in her left hand. She gestured to the wind with her dainty right as she spoke "Kenny, your the one that lightens the load. When I'm having a bad day sometimes nothing will put me right until I hear one of your stupid jokes."

I had to double take on this, "You **hate** my jokes. You always snap at me for my jokes."

She looks at me now with a look of loss and she shoulders slumped and even her voice has a bit of a wine to it as she speaks, "Well yeah but, I don't know...Even though I think they're sexist or just stupid they still put me in a good mood." She looks like she's trying to find something else to say. I wondered if she was trying to continue because I was looking at her like she was crazy, but she soon found the right words and maybe I was growing soft but I could have kissed her for what she ended up saying, "Kenny...I never know if things are going to be okay until I get a cue from you saying so. If you're not your fun obnoxious self then I feel like the whole world could just collapse."

As good as it felt to hear that it only confused me more, "But Wendy...Look at who your talkn' to. I'm Kenny McCormick. South Park's white trash symbol. Everythin' is already crumbling around me. I have to find the good in it or I'll go insane. Hell, I might already be ripe to be sent to the nut-house, I don't know."

Wendy smiles but as she tucks her raven hair behind her ear the smile is tarnished into a look that I don't think I could ever feel right seeing on her. It looks reserved and downtrodden. Her hands feel warm and soft as they graze across my ears. She scoots closer to me as she gingerly places her palm on the sides of my head like she going to run her fingers through my hair but it's to short do be done properly, "That's why I need you Kenny." I could feel my chest constrict as a familiar and dangerous feeling started to creep with in me and I think I started to hold my breath when she continued, "You have gone through things that no person should have to and you are still such a good person. You remind me that I have no good reason to be upset over my little problems and give me strength to get through my mediocre bull shit. Not only that! Kenny..." Just as the words get caught in her throat I start to feel my heart beat in mine; and just as she finds her words I think I'm able to swallow it back down, "Kenny, if you're in such bad spirits then I **know** something bad is or is about to happen and it scares me. I worry. After everything that has happened to you already, after all that you have bested, God Kenny, what could have you beaten so far down?"

Since that fight with my father I suppose I haven't been hiding my troubles to well. Even Kyle has been on my case that I haven't been acting right. I was just in need of a day off to reboot. Can't I just have a break without all this?

She was holding my head by my jaw line and I couldn't help but feel that if I had put dead weight into those small hands she could still hold me up. But instead I scoff and sit back returning my face to the cold morning air, "So what your sayin' is not only are you worried about your own shit I've got you all worked up on mine too?" I could have left it at that. I could have made a serious conversation and reassured her like a decent person; but something inside me told me to pick the fight. Something didn't want me to get close and there are so many reasons why,"I'm not seeing how this is my problem Wendy."

Her hands had fallen into her lap when I had pulled away and now they clung to the him of her jacket ever so slightly. She turned her head away looking down to the ground letting her bangs cover her eyes, "I didn't mean for you to take it like that."

I wonder from time to time if other people have outer body experiences like I do. There are times where it seems like I have no control over myself and I am just forced to sit in the corner and watch my body destroy things around me.

"All I'm saying Wendy, is that your coming to me with a problem that really has nothing to do with me. Whatever it is you have associated with my thoughts or feelings is in your own damn head." My body betrays me as it stands and snorts. It looks down at her and she looks up with a face that made my guilt-ridden heart jump. It still felt like someone else as I re-lit my only half smoked cigarette, talking out of the corner of my mouth, "We aren't even friends. I'm not even friends with your boyfriend so this is a lot like you beggin' for help from a stranger." I take a long drag and blow it down towards her, "You get what I'm sayin' here? Don't associate yourself with me. My shit is my own and you should do the same with your shit. Quit trying to drag other people in it."

I kept waiting she her to snap. To take a swing at me for being such a complete dick to her but I should have known better; because in all reality my words had some harsh truth to them. We were kind of like strangers. Yes we saw each other every lunch but she was there to see Stan and I was there for Kyle. That was our only connection. Our only conversations were bickering arguments.

She knew this. Just before her eyes swelled with tears she let her head drop again. She sat there for a moment before standing and started to walk away but after a few steps she made a half turn back to me, "I...I really thought I could come to you."

She was crying for help...I took another drag staring in her moist eyes ready to cry at any moment. She just needed the right wrong thing said to her, "Thought" I quoted, "Key word there, Sweetheart."

She turned forward and started on her way to school that she was already late to. "I'm sorry," was the last thing she said. It quivered like she was already crying and that made it hang in the air around her. I had made a complete one-eighty on her and for the life of me I'm not entirely sure I felt that good about it. All I know is that I had to do it. We had no business making a friendship out of what little we knew about each other; but as I watched her turn her walk into full run I felt like the man from White Fang. She couldn't belong in my world so I have to make her believe I don't want her in it.

My cigarette's taste went bad so I flicked it out of my hand and started off for the main road. On a day like today I like to pretend I'm leaving town for good. Just going to walk out of town and never look back. I never actually go through with it. I just walk down the highway until its dark and I hitch hike a ride back. It gives me time to think, about home, school, and I guess life in general. It also give me time to fantasize what life could be like if I could live it in a normal fashion. By the time I'm actually walking on the pavement of the highway I start to list off what could be in a perfect world.

Let's see...For one I could make this trip today without any guilt about what Karen and my mother will do for dinner. That would be nice. To not have to be taking care of a family at my age. I mean hell if that were the case then I would be able to have an actual love life. Not that what I have isn't good. I get my jollies here and there but I wonder what it's like for Stan. To have a good girl by your side like that. I never thought about commitment or anything, I'm **way** to young for that nonsense, but what if people are on to something with it. People poor, rich, young, and old all look for that one person to share their life with. Even my parents look for it in each other even though they have no business being together. The only thing I look for in a girl is sex. I know why...There's no room for a relationship in my life. I'm a high school student with a family to protect and care for. Life has dealt me a card that keeps me restricted. My mother and sister tell me I should find "my own way"; to forget about them and to make a life better for myself and though that would be nice, I would never be able to have that life perfect. I would always look back and wonder if they were okay. They were my responsibility, they had been for a longtime.

By the time my stomach was starting to growl I came up to a shop that was a combination of a mechanic's garage and a general store. It was placed just about on the outskirts of town. It was my only pit stop on these trips. The old man that ran it was a bit off but he's good people. He often makes the prices of my snacks more cheep then he should for me; that or he just tells me it's on my tab. I honestly don't think he keeps track but I do and I plan to pay it all back one day when I can. A bell jingles as I walk in an old man in overalls and a straw hat comes out from behind the counter, "Well hello there Kenny," he talks slow with an accent that seemed to me even slower then the hick's around here, "Skippin' school today, huh."

He said it more like a statement rather than a question so I didn't bother answering. I just nodded as I walked over to him, "Hey Jud."

He smiles as he walks to the cooler and takes out two beers. I sit myself on the counter as he hands me one he had just opened. You can tell he's happy to see a familiar face even if it does belong to a free loader. Being outside of town he doesn't get many visitors. To be honest, I'm not to sure how he keeps the business open. I had this theory that he lived in the space upstairs so it was not only his place of work but his home. I try not to think to hard on it though.

After a good swig of his own beer he asked what I was up day for the day. I didn't really have an answer for him but he just smiled and told me a smart man doesn't make plans, that way he doesn't have to change them later. It was a nice way to think but I suppose I couldn't live that way. If I were an old mechanic I'm sure I would have taken heed. Oh well.

My visit was short as usual. We talked about little things like T.V. shows, movies, books. All the normal media type of conversating. He gave me an egg salad sandwich saying for some reason he felt like he was going to see me today so he made two. I gladly took it along with some jerky and another beer that was out on my tab. I used my hoody's front pockets to stash my goods, all except my new ale that I opened before I started heading out the door," Thanks again for the cold ones, Jud."

"Just don't tell anyone where you got 'em." he smiles as he warns.

I was just about to step back on to the road when I hear the old man call out to me. I look back to see him stepping out of the store but he doesn't walk any closer to me. It reminds me of a shut in stoop kid afraid to walk to far from home.

"Don't hitch hike today, McCormick."

"What?" I heard him just fine but I wasn't sure I understood.

"Stay away from the cars. Better to walk home today."

I squint from the sun as it's bright lights blinded me from seeing his face properly. I still wasn't sure I completely knew what he was getting at and all I could think of to say was, "You think?"

"You don't want what they have to offer, McCormick."

I couldn't help but smile at the old fool," Don't worry, I know not to trust the strangers with candy." I give a chuckle to let him know I'm just poking fun.

"No Kenny." He warns like any adult does when they are trying to let a child know they're being serious," They know what sweets you want. Walk home today. Don't be like your father and take te easy ride."

I scowl at him and turn back to the road. "You've been readin' to many of your Steven King novels again." I yell back to him as I raise my hand out as a goodbye. He called out something but I was no longer listening. After his remark about me resembling my father I was no longer in the mood to talk so I cut him off with a,"Thanks for the beer, Jud!"

He was a good man but he had a talent for getting himself and everyone around him worked up. It was just best to leave him be when he started talking cryptic. Other than that I enjoyed his company. He just read to many mystery books and I was starting to wonder if he was going senile and couldn't tell what was real life and what was his stories. Who could blame him living in a town like South Park, though.

I decided to just brush the whole strange conversation out of my head. I take a swig of my bottle and keep on my walk. This was my day to clear my head; not to confuse it with an old man's rambles. Instead I filled my mind with the sounds the road and the wind. Every time a car would pass by me I felt the earth rumble beneath me and it reminded me I was still alive. I didn't only walk. I would take breaks and wonder into the woods to watch an animal scurry away from me. One day I had locked eyes with a large buck. It was terrifying and romantic all at the same time. The only person I felt safe telling about it was Kyle. Anyone else I'm sure would have made fun of me for thinking it was some magical moment. I guess Stan would find the serious sence in it, him being the animal lover he is, but we hadn't really had heart to hearts for so long.

He was the reason I took this long walk for the first time. It was then that Stan and I kind of cut out friendship. It was for the best but it was a big wake up call for me. There are days I silently thank him for showing me that I am to truly walk this world alone. Yes I have Karen and my mother and even Kyle at times but I a young man that is ment to hold his troubles on his shoulders like that man in the statue or painting or something. The one where he's holding up the world. Yeah he and I could talk. It made things a little less lonely after I just excepted no one was going to understand me and that no one was really going to be there for me. So I guess I do owe Stan for that, but at the same time I can't bring myself not to resent him for turning his back on me the way he had. It was after that fight that I walked this very road and found myself a way to cope; or reboot my mind. That day I fully intended to walk my way out of the whole state of Colorado, but I grew cold feet and ran back to family. I still like to pretend that I could do it. Run away from all of this.

It was during one of my little breaks sitting there by the busy lane when I looked back to see how far I made it this time. I couldn't even see the town anymore. It was unnerving in away. I was already sweating from the May sun and the long walk but a chill still ran down my spine. It felt as if it was something besides just my broken home that kept me from leaving that small hick town.

I was just taking off my hoodie to cool off a bit when a familiar truck was coming my way. They were driving towards town and I still wasn't sure if I was ready to go home yet. This was the farthest I had made it in a long time. Before I could decide whether to flag them down the truck pulls to the side and rolls down his window.

"Hey Mr. Marsh." I greet as I stand, dusting the dirt off my pants.

"You know you can call me Jimbo." He laughs. I honestly don't remember ever being given permission to be so casual with Stan's uncle but it was never said that I was suppose to be formal either, "Same goes for Ned here." He leans back and the middle aged veteran waves to me. Jimbo leans out the window now with a cocked eyebrow, "Hey aren't you suppose to be in school?"

"Hello Ned. I wave back," I then look at my watch that tells me it's four, twenty three PM. I smile,"School's out."

He smiles back knowing full well I skipped, "Hop in the back I'll give you a lift into town."

I do as he says. When I make it back there Ned opens up the small window to their cockpit. "How you doing Kenny?" Ned asks using his throat back to talk. I remember how the other kids thought he was wierd and his voice would creep them out but I always liked it. Felt bad for the guy now that I knew what it was really for though.

"I'm holdin' up. How 'bout you?" I answer as Jimbo makes his way back onto the thoroughfare.

"Can't complain." He laughs the best he can like he just made a joke and I smile like I understood it.

"I'm glad we ran into you, Kenny." Jimbo has to kind of yell back to me now so that I can hear him over the wind resistance.

"Whys that?" I holler back. I make my way to the window but we still have to speak up to fully catch what the other is saying.

"I have a job opportunity for ya!"

"A what?"

"A JOB-"

"No I know what you said. But- I mean-"

"Speak up Boy, I can't understand ya."

"Well what is it?"

"Have you ever though of being a bookie?"

"A what?"

Ned chimes in and it's hard to hear since he can't turn up the volume on his voice box but I manage to hear him enough, "Keeping books. Records of payments."

"Like a secretary? or somthin"

Jimbo speaks again, "Yeah like that. See, Ned and I have been doing some work with the state. We need someone to keep track of all of our...finances and transactions."

"Sounds like you could do it yourself." I immediately wondered if I had just ruined my chances of getting paid by not thinking before I spoke. But they both laugh and I'm reassured I'm still in this interview of sorts.

"Nah," He answers furthering my relief, "We have too much to do to have time to sit down with all of that. Plus I'm trying to give you an opertuinity to make some money here, Kenny."

"How much we talkn"

"Smart Boy, don't say yes until you get what you need. I like that. How about we start you off with ten dollars an hour."

"Holy Shit are you serious?!" I practically jump on to my feet and I'm squatting at the window now holding the frame of the bed.

"If you do us right then you can get a raise."

"Jimbo that's too much!"

"Are you kidding? You'll be hanging with the big boys! It would be wrong if we didn't pay you that much."

"I don't know what to say."

"Say yes!"

"YES! God yes! Guys you don't know how much this means to me!"

"Good! You can start next weekend."

"Is it okay if I only work weekends until school is out?" I ask worried that it might break the deal all together if they have to work around school.

"Of course, we don't need your mom finding out your working during the school year."

Reality hit me when I remembered I wasn't allowed a job until the summer, "Oh shit! My mom. She won't like me working."

Jimbo looked back to me with a grin before turning his eyes back to road, "That's why she won't find out. You work the weekends and do your schooling during the week and no one will be the wiser. Best not to tell your friends either incase it gets back to their parents and then to your mom."

It made sence but now something told me something was risky about all this. The pros and cons didn't lie though. The house hold needed money and I still didn't like the thought of my father bringing his weird cash home. The more I thought about what I could do with that money the more I got excited. I could buy Karen new clothes, my mother that nice purse she was wanting, and above all else I could buy food! Pay the bills and have a decent living for them.

"Count me in guys!" I call to them as I stand up in the truck bed holding on to the hood of the ford for support. Energy was writhing through me. I let out a howl as the wind beat against my face. I wasn't sure if it was the adrenalin from knowing I was finally going to be able to provide for my family or just the moving motion of the car but I felt like could really fly right then and there.

My life was finally going in the right direction.

* * *

Yup it seems like things could be looking up, huh? Maybe?

Tell me what you think guys. I want good constructive criticism! I don't ask for reviews so people can blow smoke up my butt. I just want to make the story better. And that means I need your help! Tell me what is good and what is bad so that I know what to fix an what to inhance. I would love to use your insite for the next chapter! 3 Wendy is up next!


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